


my heart's gonna break before the night will end

by darklips_paleface



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Ace!Ivy, Ace!Lucius, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bottom!Ed, Crack, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Top!Oswald, Underage Drinking, Underage is because they're both 17 and have sex, because i have a fucking brain, not like one of them fucks an adult that'd be gross
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-03-09 08:58:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 39,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18913723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darklips_paleface/pseuds/darklips_paleface
Summary: It started with a 12 pack of IC light stolen from Ed’s dad’s fridge, and a pact between two best friends.“Just for practice, to get it out of the way. No one needs to know.”Pinkies joined, they kissed on it.





	1. my youth is yours, a truth so loud you can't ignore

**Author's Note:**

> every fandom deserves a fic based on the song "Sleeping with a Friend" by The Neon Trees. so...this is that.  
> tell me to update this via twitter @gaydiscovampire

     It started with a 12 pack of IC light stolen from Ed’s dad’s fridge, and a pact between two best friends.

     “Just for practice, to get it out of the way. No one needs to know.”

     Pinkies joined, they kissed on it.

     Ok. That isn’t entirely true; for Ed, it had started much earlier than that night. For Ed, it started when they were six years old.

     They were on the playground. Recess. Ed said he didn’t want to participate in a game of dodge ball and everyone had made fun of him for it. They called him “wimp” and “dweeb”, they even said he was ‘being a girl’ which had confused Ed. He didn’t really know why being a girl would be insulting, especially seeing as some of the classmates who were calling him that were girls themselves. Either way, Ed started crying, which only made the taunting worse. It grew almost deafening, until one voice rose above the crowd:

     “LAY OFFA HIM! That kid’s my friend and if any of you say any more mean stuff about him, I’ll punch you in the face!” That had worked surprisingly well, dispersing the crowd almost immediately. The boy had begun to walk away, seeing his job there as being done, but Ed had stopped him.

     “Wait! D-did you mean that? That I’m your friend?” Ed said, still hiccuping out a few sobs.

     “Well, my mom says that there’s ‘power in numbers’, which I guess means that two scrawny kids are harder to pick on than just one.”

     “Oh.” Ed was disappointed, “So we aren’t friends?”

     “Well we can’t really be friends because I don’t know your name.” The boy had stated matter-of-factly.

     “It’s Edward. Nygma.”

     “Ok, Ed. I’m Oswald. Cobblepot.”

     “That’s kinda a funny name. But I like it.” Oswald had smiled, all big and missing a few teeth.

     “Ok, _now_ we can be friends.”

     And they had been. From that day on, the pair had been inseparable. Ed had never had a friend before, and for years Oswald would remain his only one. It would be a point of contention at times, Oswald being the overly confident and likable boy that other kids just were just naturally drawn to. Ed was too shy to say more than a few words to other kids, and they all wondered why Oswald even wasted his time with a freak like Ed, anyways. But just like that day in the playground, Oswald had always defended Ed. Sometimes Oswald would get annoyed and tell Ed that if he couldn’t even _try_ to talk to anyone else, one day Oswald was going to get annoyed and just leave him. And that would make Ed cry. But, then, Oswald never did leave, and they always made up after less than a full day apart. That was just their way; fighting and making up. It worked for them.

     Middle school changed things. Kids started caring less about personality and dodge ball and more about how rich your family was or what clothes you wore to school. They all still thought Ed was strange, but he came from an upper-middle class family, so he was left alone in regards to that particular line of torment. Oswald, on the other hand, fell decidedly below the poverty line. All of his former ‘friends’ abandoned him, turning around to bully him instead. It was mostly dumb stuff about the way all of his clothes looked hand sewn or so old they might fall apart with a strong breeze. The worst of it, though, was “Penguin”. About halfway through seventh grade Oswald took a nasty spill off his bike, breaking his ankle in three places. His mother wasn’t able to afford health insurance and was not exactly an American citizen, so instead of taking him to a hospital for fear of deportation, she’d tried to fix it at home. She did an admirable job for someone who’d never been medically trained, but it wasn’t enough. The bones never set properly and regrew in an awkward, twisted way leaving Oswald with a permanent limp. That, and his permanently spiky black hair resulted in the moniker “Penguin”. Ed thought it lacked creativity, really, but their class was composed entirely of idiots, So.

     With this change in Oswald's social status, it became Ed’s responsibility to now stand up for Os, and he never missed an opportunity to do so. Oswald would almost always brush the taunting off, barely ever thanking Ed for his constant defense because “it’s a stupid name, Ed. You don’t have to get so worked up _every single time._ ” But Ed still did. Every single time.

     Oswald’s unbothered act lasted a few more weeks before Ed walked into the boys bathroom one afternoon at school to the sound of loud sobbing coming from the handicapped stall. Some moron had taped a crude post-it note to Oswald’s locker. It was not the worst the other kids had ever done- some mean drawing of Oswald’s head on a Penguin’s body- but Ed suspected Oswald was more affected by everything building up to that point rather than just the one isolated incident.

     Ed had held Oswald in his arms until he stopped crying, and left the bathroom a man on a mission. Or, preteen on a mission, really. He’d found the boy responsible, and though he still couldn’t fight for the life of him, punched him in the face as hard as he could. He had the element of surprise on his side, as well as a hell of a lot of rage and adrenaline. It didn’t get him very far, but he managed to get a few solid hits in before being totally pummeled. They were separated eventually by some passing teachers, and were both told to report to the principal's office. Before they could go, though, Oswald had burst from the crowd and pulled Edward into a tight hug. He was still crying a bit, and Ed could feel the tears on his neck when Oswald had pulled away just enough to whisper, “thank you, friend” in his ear.

     Ed’s dad had picked him up and yelled at him the whole way home, and his nose was bleeding pretty bad. Not broken, but not great. It didn’t matter though. Ed didn’t stop grinning for a week.

     That was the exact moment Edward Nygma had realized he was in love with Oswald Cobblepot. Though, looking back to being six years old and spending every day thinking about his cool new friend, Ed supposed the ‘love at first sight’ argument could also be made.

     Regardless, all of this meant that Ed was currently pretty fucked. Because when his best friend in the whole world, drunk on the world’s shittiest beer, had turned to him and said; “Ed, we are seventeen fucking years old and we’ve never so much as kissed anyone. That’s kinda fucking depressing, isn’t it? I say we fix that. Just this once. Just for practice, to get it out of the way. No one needs to know.” Ed had been helpless to do more than nod, pinching himself at how dream-come-true it had all felt. He knew he was an asshole, he knew he was taking advantage of Oswald, and it was all  _so_  wrong. But he didn’t really care because, again: drunk. Also- Oswald was already leaning towards him, skin flushed and eyes hazy, and before Ed really had time to register it he was kissing the love of his life.

     It was a total cliche, but Ed felt fireworks. He really did. Kissing Oswald Cobblepot felt like coming home after a long day, it felt like turning on the TV and your favorite show just so happens to be on. It felt like flying.

     It didn’t last very long, though. Oswald was _really_ drunk, and had to pull away after maybe thirty seconds of bliss to make a mad dash for the toilet. He made it there before upchucking the entire contents of his stomach, including the seven beers he’d consumed, but only just barely.

     That didn’t ruin the kiss for Ed, though. It was the single greatest moment of his whole life, and Oswald was almost definitely not going to remember it in the morning. The morning; January 1st. The irony was certainly not lost on Ed that their first kiss had technically been a New Year’s kiss, though it was maybe an hour or two later than the classic midnight kiss. Nonetheless, it made the whole thing spectacularly romantic.

     Ed was _so_ fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also- this is my fic, and since we never actually got Ed's family backstory on Gotham its 100% still canon compliant for me to do whatever the fuck i so choose with his home life. And I'm making Ed's dad a good guy for many reasons but mostly because child abuse sucks and isnt fun and isnt fun to WRITE so. Just know Ed's dad is like a totally normal guy in this you're not allowed to hate him and make this fic sad cause its gonna get sad for other reasons later. ok? ok.


	2. am i more than you bargained for yet?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> find me on twitter @gaydiscovampire

     “I’m sorry, I just personally think it’s a stupid, antiquated ‘tradition’ and it is honestly _ridiculous_ that we’re supposed to care about some fucking dance or whatever when we have college or, y’know, _life_ to worry about in just a few months. And what’s even the point of hanging posters _now_? Like isn’t prom in May? It’s fucking February.”

     “Jesus, Os, just say you don’t want to help next time and drop it. You don’t have to get on a fucking soap box literally every time you don’t feel like doing something, you know.” Lee huffed. But, really, she shouldn’t have been surprised. They all knew by now that Oswald had some weird vendetta against the prom. No one understood it, really; especially since half of his close friends made up the student council and thus, were _always_ talking about prom. He still never missed a chance to rant about it, though. From his complaints thus far Ed had gathered that Oswald saw the prom as a heteronormative, capitalistic ploy to indoctrinate the idea of beauty being more important than anything else and further the fake importance of the social construct of virginity, and thus the losing of it on prom night, onto impressionable teens. Ed didn’t know about all that. In fact, he, personally, thought prom was kinda romantic. But he didn’t dare share that particular opinion with his best friend.

     “Well I’m sorry we didn’t all come out of the womb with no real aspirations aside from getting crowned prom king and queen with our perfect little jock boyfriends.” Oswald snarked. He was taking it too far, being extra terrible to Lee who had, really, done nothing to him. Ed knew his reasoning for doing so, though. Os had texted Ed in confidence before lunch that he’d just failed yet another pre-calc test, and was already potentially not going to be able to graduate. Of course, no one else in their group knew that, so Ed silently picked at his tater tots and allowed his friend to take out his anger on the wrong person. It was a shitty day, sometimes you just needed to be an asshole. Ed got that.

     “Who the fuck pissed in your cereal this morning, Os?” Barbara interjected.

     Jim nodded bewilderedly, adding; “Yeah, what the fuck, man? You need to cool off, for real. Stop taking out your stupid grudge against the prom on Lee, she didn’t do shit to you.”

     Oswald averted his gaze, ashamed of what he knew was an unreasonable outburst yet too proud to apologize.

     “Ok, fine. Don’t say sorry, be a dick. See if I care.” With that, Lee got up and collected her things to go finish hanging the rest of the prom posters. Jim shot Oswald one last expectant glance, before deflating a bit and going to follow Lee.

     “Listen,” Barbara started, “I know Mr. and Mrs. Right can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but maybe try being less of a bitch to your only friends, huh?” She finished with a condescending smile, the picture of sarcasm.

     “Eat a dick, Barbara.” Oswald quipped.

     “No thanks, I’m full. See you turds in Lit.” She replied, leaving Oswald and Ed alone at their lunch table with ten minutes until the bell.

     “Ugh, why do we even fucking associate with those morons?” Oswald lamented, meeting Ed’s eyes.

     “Well, they are our friends, for one thing. The only ones who share the same lunch as us, anyways. So.” Ed was used to calming Oswald down, allowing him to vent his frustrations until he inevitably cooled off enough to apologize to whoever he offended that day. Ed was just counting his blessings that this time the anger wasn’t directed at him, though that was pretty rare nowadays. Even when it did happen, Ed knew Oswald never really meant anything by it.

     “Hm. Well, they suck. Sometimes I truly believe we would be better off just the two of us, against the world together.” Ed’s heart leapt into his throat. Maybe...Maybe this was his chance, maybe Oswald _would_ feel the same? All Ed had to do was confess, tell Oswald that he’d loved him most of his life. Then it really could be just the two of them, alone together against the world. Maybe this was Oswald’s way of saying- “But then I remember how damn _good_ that boy scout Gordon looks in his stupid letterman and I figure, sure! I can stomach a few more hours a day of his gross, couple-y bullshit for that view alone.” Just as fast as they had risen, Edward’s hopes came crashing down around him. Of course Oswald didn’t, _couldn’t,_ feel the same. Oswald had a thing for gorgeous meatheads; and Ed would never be anything to him but sad, insignificant _Eddie._ A blip on his perfect radar, barely even worth the time or effort it took to be friends with him.

     Edward sighed, finishing up his lunch (or, at least pretending to, what with his appetite suddenly gone). Oswald, for his part, continued to wax poetic about Jim’s ass in skinny jeans. Ed tried to mostly tune it all out, instead focusing on the familiar sound of his heart breaking into a million tiny fragments.

     “God, the day that boy wakes up and realizes he’s at the very _least_ bi-curious, I am going to be there; ready and willing to help him experiment. Here’s hoping that day comes before graduation.” Oswald said, raising a silent, solo toast before finishing the remaining sip of his sweet tea.

     “Well, as much as I would really _love_ to hear more about that particular fantasy, I really should get going. I have that lab in Bio and all, don’t want to risk being late.” Ed said, fidgeting with his glasses out of nervous habit.

     “You fucking _nerd_ ,” Oswald laughed, “we still have like five minutes until the bell. Can you please at least _try_ to hide your raging hard on for science every once in a while?”

     “Yeah, yeah, I love you too.” Oswald merely stuck his tongue out and flipped Ed off in response as Ed got up to leave. With every step away from Os, Ed’s pathetic brain screamed _Hear me hear me god why don’t you hear me when I say it Oswald I love you I love you I love you_ praying Oswald would stop him, turn him around in the middle of the lunch room and kiss him in front of half the school; Jim Gordon be damned. But, just like any other day, Oswald barely seemed to register Ed’s departure.

* * *

     By last period, Ed had received one text from Oswald:

 

**OC: jims tonight. ur DD.**

 

     Meaning, apparently, Oswald had sucked it up and apologized to Lee for being a bitch for no reason. Ed was kind of proud of him, to be honest.

     The text was a reference to something of a running joke between the two. Every time their friends would meet up at Jim’s place, which was a lot more frequently since mostly everyone else’s parents had caught them drinking at some point or another and no longer allowed gatherings at their house, Oswald would stay the night at Ed’s place. Ed lived a few blocks away from Jim, so no actual driving was required. It was, however, Oswald’s charming way of telling Ed not to get too drunk, as Os would be drinking like it was the end of times and expected Ed to take care of him.

     As usual, Oswald was already waiting by Ed’s shitty car as Ed made his way across the parking lot. By how close Oswald was to finishing his cigarette, Ed knew he’d skipped his last class of the day.

     “You really should stop that, you know.”

     “Yeah, so you’ve said. Like, a million times. But hey! If the cancer doesn’t get me, something else will. I kinda like the autonomy of being responsible for my own demise, you know?”

     “I meant you should stop cutting class so often, since, y'know, you’re already barely going to graduate as is. The smoking- well, I’ve given up any hope that you’re ever going to actually listen to my concerns about your health and well-being."

     “Aw Eddie, how touching! You _do_ care! And, still- I don’t give a fuck!” Ed laughed at the saccharine way Oswald exclaimed his apathy, “They can flunk me if they want, I don’t give a shit. I’ll just drop out if they want me to stay another year, it’s not like I need a high school diploma to keep working for Fish anyways. I’m not _you_ ,” he added with a scoff, “I don’t need to worry about making sure all my transcripts are Cornell-perfect.”

     Ed hurried to unlock the car, Oswald already furiously yanking the passenger side door knowing full well that Ed hadn’t opened it yet. Once in the car, he glanced at Oswald expectantly. Oswald met his eyes in a stalemate for a few seconds, before sighing deeply and bucking his seat belt. He always tried to fight it, but eventually gave into Ed’s 'I’m not driving until everyone in the car has their seat belt on' rule. “I’m _not_ getting into Cornell, I don’t even know why my dad made me apply, he really can’t afford it. I told you already- I’m going to GU. I just have to wait for their acceptance letter. It’s the only way I’m going to be able to afford to go to a decent Masters program after I get my Bachelor’s, anyways. “

     “Yeah and _i_ told _you_ that you shouldn’t write yourself off like that. You deserve to get the fuck outta Gotham, you’re too smart for this city. I mean, you’ve got Ivy League written all over you! I bet any one of those fancy-ass schools would _kill_ to have you; getting a full ride will be no problem.”

     Ed blushed at the compliment, but reminded himself that Oswald was, after all, his _friend. Friends do compliment each other, he doesn’t mean anything by it._ “It’s not happening, Os. I’ve already applied and all the deadlines are passed. Cornell is going to reject me, and I’m going to go to Gotham University. Besides- don’t you want me to stick around? Or are you really so excited to drop me the second we graduate?” _Please say no, please say you want me, you need me, you’ll keep me forever._

     “Fuck no. Do you think my gay ass is ever going to get a license? Let alone a _car?_ No, I’m perfectly content keeping you as my chauffeur, letting you drive me to Fish’s on your way to class.”

     “Fish’s and GU are literally on opposite sides of the city.” Ed deadpanned.

     “Yeah, but you’ll drive me anyways because you love me so much.” Oswald rebutted, smiling sweetly at Ed.

 _You have no idea_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next up: party (well, small kick-back) chapter boiiiiiiii


	3. teenage dreams in a teenage circus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> small kick-back so, y'know, underage drinking is a thing.
> 
> twit: @gaydiscovampire

     They spent the first hour or so at Jim’s collectively sharing stories from their days and casually drinking until they’d all attained a healthy buzz. They were spread out across the room in various little clumps, each talking to whoever they usually spent the least time during the school day with. Barbara had, regretfully, declined to come citing some flippant excuse that they all knew was code for getting laid. Nobody knew who Barbara was sleeping with, as she was the queen of school gossip so it only figured she would also be the queen of keeping her own secrets incredibly private. Not even Isabella, Barbara’s closest friend in the group, knew who the mystery person was. They also hadn’t a clue as to _why_ Barbara was being so tight-lipped about the whole thing.

     Hell, this was Barbara Kean. Ed wouldn’t be surprised if she was sleeping with with one of their teachers.

     Though, to make up for her absence Kristen and Isabella, Lucius, Ecco and Ivy, and Harvey had joined the mix. They were by far Ed’s closer friends, but unfortunately Ed had been placed in the lunch with most of Oswald’s closer friends. So he cherished nights like these when their whole friend group was together. It was the only times he felt truly comfortable, knowing that he was around people who actually liked him.

     “Hey guys!” Lee said, addressing the group as a whole, “Let’s play a game or something. I’m bored as shit.” There was a general murmur of agreement as they began to collectively move to form a loose circle in the various couches, armchairs, and bean bags that were located around the stained and barely-standing coffee table in the center of Jim’s basement.

     Harvey pulled out a deck of cards, ever the most prepared in the group, and began loosely shuffling it as he asked, “King’s Cup, I’m assuming?”

     “Nah,” Isabella protested, “we _always_ play King’s. Plus, we’re all just drinking Ecco’s shitty vodka, so it’s not like the cup will even be all that interesting.”

     “Hey! It’s the best I could risk buying with my fake. Just be grateful I actually still buy for all of you assholes when you never pay me back.”

     “So what do you propose instead, then?” Lucius asked, turning to face Isabella, “Fuck the bus driver?”

     “Oh hell no!” This time it was Kristen interjecting her disagreement, “That game is only fun when there’s like, five or less people playing.”

     “Okay, how about Never Have I Ever?” Lee posited

     “No offense, babe, but that kinda seems pointless. We’ve all known each other since freshman year. Pretty sure we already know what each other has and hasn’t done.”

     “Well, I don’t know!” Lee exclaimed, turning her full agitation on Jim, “Maybe if the twins weren’t shooting down literally _every_  other suggestion we could play something better!”

     “Actually, I’m with Lee on this one.” Lucius added, clearly trying to squash any feuds before they could even arise, “I mean, we haven’t played it in a while. Whose to say some things haven’t changed? It could be fun. At the very least, it’s always entertaining to target each other with what we _do_ know, getting specific people wasted.”

     “Yeah, beats the other two options proposed I guess” Isabella agreed.

     “Fine,” Jim said, sighing a little defeated, “who’s going first then?”

     “I will!” Ivy proclaimed, perking up a little excitedly in her seat beside Ecco, “Never have I ever… Had sex!”

     “Ivy, babe,” Ecco said, pausing only long enough to take a gulp of her drink, “You know I love you but you can’t keep using your sexuality against the rest of us.”

     “Hey, targeting each other is the name of the game. I can’t help that being ace makes me better than all of you,” she joked, lovingly kissing her girlfriend’s cheek. “Besides, I’m not the only virgin. Ed, Os, and Foxy remain pure as well.”

     “Wow, thanks for the reminder, Ivy. Always great to remember how unfuckable we are.” Added Oswald bitterly, cradling his cup to his chest defensively.

     The group booed collectively, Lee’s voice rising above the rest to shout, “Oh, world’s smallest violin, just for you!” Charming as ever, their friends. In all fairness, though, Oswald kinda was _always_ complaining about how he’d never had sex. It was, on occasion, a tad bit annoying. But Ed would never admit as much aloud.

     “Fucking Christ! Fine, then; never have I ever had the worst friends on the planet!” Oswald declared, immediately chugging half of his drink in one go.

     “That’s not how the game works!” Lee scolded, as, silently, Ed looked over to Lucius and Ecco. They exchanged a quick nod before all three took long sips as well.

     “Get BENT, Ed! I am a _great_ friend!” Oswald hollered, noticing the silent sip. This was enough to send everyone else into hysterics, and all the remaining tension of the evening dissipated just like that.

     Since Ecco was sitting to Ivy’s right, more in her girlfriend's lap than anything, her turn was next (Oswald’s outburst not technically counting, as it broke order, and wasn’t even something he’d “never done”).

     “Never have I ever… I don’t know, smoked weed?” Everyone in the circle took a hearty swig.

     “Dude, still?” Jim questioned, eyebrows rising in shock and disbelief, “Haven’t you done just about every other drug under the sun, though?”

     “Mmm, basically,” she replied thoughtfully, “I just don’t trust that shit. I saw how twitchy and paranoid it made Dent that one time,” she inclined her head slightly to her left where Harvey sat in a beanbag near Ivy. At the mention of his name, Harvey looked away, embarrassed, over how bad he’d been the first time he smoked.  “So I’m good sticking to the harder shit, thanks.”

     “I do not get you.” Jim shook his head nearly mystified.

     “Okay,” Isabella drew their attention back to the game at hand, taking her turn next. “Never have I ever...Left the country.” Kristen, Lee, and Lucius all took a drink. “I’m still not over you going without me, Kris.” She added with a theatrical sigh.

     “Izzy, it was with the _science_ club! You remember, the club you _refused_ to join because you thought it would make you seem like a dork? And it was just to Toronto, which basically doesn't even count as another country.”

     “I don’t know, Kris, do you remember how _great_ Canada was? _Totally_ different culture, you’d really have to go there to get it.” Lee smirked, intentionally egging Isabella on. In response, Isabella threw a pillow, clearly aimed at Lee’s head. She missed by about a mile, though (probably due to both the alcohol and her total lack of athleticism), hitting Harvey in the face instead.

     “Hey, what’d I do?!” Dent shouted, but Isabella was already laughing too hard to respond. It was, actually, pretty funny. Or maybe Ed was just reaching that pleasant, giggly-tipsy state. Either way, he couldn’t help but join in with her laughter.

     “Foxy! Your turn!” Ivy asserted, more sober than the rest of them and easily the most invested in the game.

     “Yeah, so, don’t kill me for doing the same one I always do, but: never have I ever been kissed.”

     “Oh, Jesus, _still?!_ ” Harvey lamented, “That is a fucking _crime_ , man. You’re way too gorgeous to still be un-kissed.” Everyone except Harvey and Lucius shared knowing, uneasy glances. Some time in the middle of last year Harvey had begun blatantly flirting with Lucius. Nobody really knew how Lucius felt about it, or if he even really noticed the change. His reaction was always his usual, stone-faced indifference. It hadn’t quite gotten _awkward_ yet, per se, but it wasn’t exactly easy to watch either. Privately, Ed wondered if that’s how the rest of the group felt watching him fawn over Oswald every chance he got as well, but tried not the dwell on that thought.

     Everyone took their gulp, and Ed paused. He wasn’t sure if Oswald even remembered the kiss, as it had happened over a month ago and the other boy had yet to bring it up even once. Ed wasn’t sure how he felt about that. On some level it hurt, and on another it made him feel dirty and guilty and _wrong_. He was, however, rather forcibly shaken from his silent contemplation as Oswald cleared his throat loudly before making a show of chugging the remainder of his drink.

     The reaction from their friends was instantaneous and _loud,_ as Os had to know it would be. In the midst of the chaos, Ed snuck a sip as well, doing his best to hide it as just quenching his thirst but refusing to outright break the rules of the game.

     “What the _fuck?!”_

     “You’re joking!”

     “Shit, really?”

     “Who? Who?! WHO!!”

     Os sat there, smugly soaking up all of the attention and refusing to answer any of their questions. He was absolutely _basking_ in the drama of it all, and Ed couldn't help but chuckle at that. He knew Oswald lived for this kind of stuff, causing a scene, but that didn’t stop the small bit of hope blooming in his chest at just how _proud_ Oswald looked, sitting there. He could let himself imagine, if only for that moment, that maybe Oswald had enjoyed it just as much as he had. _At the very least, he remembers it. Remembers it was you. That’s enough._

     “Seriously, Os, who the fuck did you kiss?” Lee pestered, much more insistent than the rest of their friends. It made sense, really, why they were all so shocked and intrigued. Everyone knew that Ed, Lucius, and Oswald were the only three in the group who’d remained woefully single for their entire four years of high school together. And, for Oswald at least, it had always been made abundantly clear that that was _not_ due to personal choice. He had shown interest in most of the guys at school at one point or another, aside from Ed of course, so for him to have done _anything_ and not immediately text the group chat bragging about it was probably beyond surprising.

     Surprising to everyone but Ed, who knew _exactly_ why Oswald had kept the kiss a secret. Ed had similar reasons for not telling anyone about it.

     “Oh, I’m sorry Leslie, but I don’t believe that’s how the game works.” Oswald stated, mocking her words from just moments ago. “If you want to play Truth or Dare instead, I’m game. But until then I don’t have to tell you _shit.”_

     “Truth or Dare! _That’s_ a game we could be playing! Wow, why didn’t you say that earlier, Ozzie? That’s way better than Never Have I ever; we can make each other do crazy shit!” Ivy exclaimed, totally unphased by the usual cattiness between Oswald and Lee. Everyone else agreed and the game shifted. The first round consisted of almost everyone just trying to get Oswald to say truth, so they could ask more about the notorious kiss. But every time Oswald thwarted them, always choosing dare. Each dare got progressively worse, with the helpful caveat that at any point if it was too much he could just defer to truth. Every time, Oswald completed the dare, refusing to give them the satisfaction.

     Ed understood, he really did. If the group were to find out that it had been with Ed, they would _never_ let it go. When Ed and Oswald had first started befriending people other than each other, the assumption had always been that they were already a couple. At first it had excited Ed, the thought that maybe they could all see something he’d missed; maybe Oswald _did_ return Ed’s feelings. But every time Oswald would respond with the same shocked disgust, until eventually Ed got used to the sting of obvious rejection that came every time Oswald insisted, “Oh, _god_ no! Just- no. He’s my best friend, that's it.” Ed was practically numb to it by now, he barely even cried over it. Well, only a few tears. But still. Progress.

     So if they heard that Ed and Os had kissed, they would immediately feel justified in their first assumptions that the pair was romantically involved. No matter how hard they would try to explain that it was _nothing,_ that it meant _nothing,_ their friends would never listen. Ed couldn’t help but take some blame for that- he felt certain that if he was being pressured to lie, say that the kiss was meaningless to him, he would likely crack and admit his feelings. Ruin everything. Even if he could pull it off; he knew it would break him. How emphatic Oswald would be that he was not even remotely interested in dating Ed, how assertive he would have to be in his repulsion at the very thought in order to shut their friends up. Currently, Ed lived in peace. He knew Oswald did not return his feelings, and while it was hurtful it wasn’t something he was actively being made aware of every day. Some days, he could even sink so deeply into a blissful delusion that he could convince himself that _maybe someday_ . Someday Oswald _might_ love him, just maybe. But this? The fiasco that would follow anyone knowing Ed and Os had kissed? It would burst that bubble forever. So Ed was just as committed to keeping the secret as Oswald was.

     He just couldn’t let himself think too hard about why _Oswald_ seemed so deeply hell-bent on the secret not getting out. Couldn’t let himself realize that maybe Oswald was taking dare after dare in stride because he was _embarrassed_ , ashamed that his first kiss had to be with a nothing like Ed.

     It was hard not to think like that, though, seeing the lengths Oswald was going to just to avoid telling the truth. After eating and drinking every ridiculous concoction Dent could think to make with the snacks in Jim’s mini fridge, streaking through the neighbor’s lawn, and even allowing Ecco to stick and poke a tiny, and _very_ permanent doodle of a dick onto his right ankle, Ed decided they were all probably a little too drunk to continue the game. Especially Oswald, who was probably going to wake up the next morning pissed at Ed for allowing him to go through with the tattoo while wasted. Which wasn’t exactly fair- Oswald had plenty of drunk stick and pokes from Ecco. But still, Ed knew Oswald and knew that above all else, he loved nothing more than complaining.

     So they began making their goodbyes, Ed hauling Oswald away as every goodbye began turning into entire conversations with whomever Oswald was attempting to bid adieu to.

     “Jesus, Ed, stop being such a _party pooper!”_

     “Well, then, next time don’t tell me to DD if you don’t want me to actually look after you.” Oswald rolled his eyes in response, clearly too inebriated to think of a clever response.

     They had just barely made their way to the door, quietly creeping around the first floor of Jim’s parent’s house fearful of waking the Gordons up and getting them all in trouble, when Ed felt someone pull him into a shadowy corner in the adjoining dining room. Oswald was still laughing, if maybe a bit too loud, with Ecco about the tattoo so Ed figured he had a few minutes to kill before he’d really be leaving anyways.

     “I saw you take a drink, Ed.” Kristen whispered conspiratorially.

     Ed just looked at her confused for a moment, before realization struck him.

_Shit._

     But before he could fully panic, jump in with some excuse he already knew would sound incredibly lame and fictitious, she continued. “Hey, it’s ok! I’ll keep it to myself, I don’t think anyone else noticed. But...I am right, aren’t I? In assuming you two kissed?”

     Ed gulped, before nodding slowly.

     “Oh, Eddie! I’m so happy for you! I’ve known for _ages_ how you feel about him, I’m just glad he finally got his head out of his own ass and realized how in _credible_ you two would be together-”

     It hurt more than Ed realized it would, hearing her say that. So he cut her off before it could get any worse.

     “No, Kris, it’s not what you think. I- we aren’t- it’s not like that.” As the words left his lips his heart sunk with them, falling and falling and falling.

     Her face morphed into a mask of horror and pity, “Oh. Oh, fuck! Ed! I’m so sorry, I didn’t- I just assumed- Oh my god, Ed, I’m sorry.”

     “Yeah.” He said at a loss for words, stuck in a situation as uniquely shitty as this.

     “So, what, you guys like…?” She trailed off, clearly hoping Ed would fill in the obvious blank.

     “We were drunk, and he wanted to get his first kiss out of the way. Over with. And I just… I figured it would be my once chance, all I’d ever get. I know how shitty and gross of me that is and-”

     “No, Eddie! Oh my god, sweetie, you deserve _so_ much better! You are not shitty, babe, _Oswald_ is shitty! He should see how great and sweet and smart and caring you are and he should be _dying_ to kiss you!” Ed could feel a drunk girl heart-to-heart coming on, and much as he _really_ needed that right now, he also knew he needed to get Oswald out of the house before he woke up Jim’s parents.

     “Thanks, Kris. I love you, seriously, but can we maybe talk about this more some other time? I really need to get him home so he can sleep this night off.” Ed said, pointedly glancing beyond Kristen to the other room where Oswald and Ecco were practically yelling at this point.

     Kristen looked torn, but nodded her assent. Not, though, before whispering, “That boy has no clue how little he deserves you.”

     Ed wanted to fight her, reassure her that Oswald was the sun and he was a pebble, a lost rock lucky enough to have been pulled into his orbit. But that would take ages, eons of him detailing the many ways Oswald Cobblepot was far and above more incredible than Edward Nygma could ever hope to be. He settled for moving past her to grab Oswald’s arm, yanking him away from Ecco and out the door.

     “HEY! Rude, Ed, I was saying goodbye!”

     “You had about ten minutes to say goodbye, not my fault you wasted that time. And you’ll see her tomorrow at school anyways, So.”

     Oswald gave up the fight, but continued to grumbled to himself the whole walk home. Ed only caught a few errant phrases here and there, Os was mumbling something about being annoyed with sober Oswald for making Mr. Buzzkill his babysitter for the night, but Ed was used to those comments from drunk Oswald.

     Once home, Oswald passed out almost immediately. Ed set a glass of water and some Advil on the bedside table, exiting the guest room to ready himself for bed. Belatedly, he realized Oswald hadn’t really thanked him, but that was ok. He never did. Oswald spoke in actions, not words, and he’d already given Ed the greatest gift of all time. Edward Nygma could proudly say that his first kiss was with the love of his life. It didn’t matter that Oswald would never feel the same, or that Kristen thought he deserved better. Ed knew the truth: that kiss was his miracle, too special to ever be sullied by outside opinions.


	4. you give me butterflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> twit: @gaydiscovampire

     The following week continued much like that night had; everyone determined to uncover the secret of Oswald’s first kiss. Did this mean he was no longer single? Did the mystery man go to their school? Was he older? Someone Oswald had met through Fish Mooney? Did Oswald have a sugar daddy? And, most commonly just the very simple _who the fuck did Oswald kiss?_ Sometimes Oswald would give elaborate, and obviously fake, answers. “It was the ghost of Tupac, underneath the Atlantis skyline, in the year 3034.” “Yes, the guy was older. In fact, it was kind of a pretty woman situation. Very chic.” “You’ve all been wrong on one count: it wasn’t a man but rather a woman. Surprise! I’m straight!” But mostly Oswald just remained silent, reveling in how outlandish their friends’ speculations could get.

     Ed knew Oswald was doing it to spare them both, but he couldn’t help but feel a little bit like an embarrassment. Someone Oswald was ashamed to have kissed. Similar to all the rest of his Oswald-induced pains, though, Ed eventually found himself numb to the sting of being something Oswald never wanted another living soul to know about. Which was what made it so startling when Oswald brought it up again, entirely unprompted.

 

_It’s not you, it’s the glow of the party, the way that you got me lit up inside._

_It’s the song that they’re playin, the words that you’re sayin, it’s never felt so right._

 

     “God, Ed, you _really_ need better taste in music. Literally _nobody_ likes country, who even are you?”

     “Or maybe _you_ need to give other genres a chance. Because only liking your underground, indie shit and rap is pretentious and you know it.” Ed quipped, practically reciting a script at this point. They had this fight almost everyday, as Ed’s car was a piece of shit and had neither a working radio nor an aux cord. Thus, they could only listen to CD’s and Ed only kept one, his copy of _The Golden Hour_ , in his car. Oswald always threatened to bring his own CDs, but never did. Ed had a sinking suspicion that Os maybe didn’t hate Kacey Musgraves as much as he pretended to, so he allowed the occasional complaint. Ultimately, Oswald never turned the music off. _Unsurprising. It’s a phenomenal record._

     “Whatever.” He said with a dismissive eye roll, and for a moment they fell back into their usual, comfortable silence. “Hey, why do you think the group has been so hung up on finding out who I kissed?” Now _that_ was a departure from their usual conversation.

     “Uh- Um, well...I don’t know.” Ed replied lamely, sputtering like an idiot.

     “Doesn’t it seem kind of odd, or, I dunno… Offensive?” Oswald approached his next words with an apprehension that was such a departure from his normal confidence that it forced Ed to pay very close attention, knowing Os was being somewhat vulnerable with him, “I know I sound like a brat, but doesn’t it just feel kinda like maybe… Maybe that was the last thing they’d ever expected to hear? That we’d actually kissed someone?” Ed almost contested this point, adding that they certainly did not think _Ed_ had ever kissed anyone, but he held himself back from arguing semantics. Oswald did have a point. “I mean that’s crazy, right? Because, like, a kiss! That’s nothing! It’s practically a handshake, nowadays!” Absentmindedly, Oswald plucked a cigarette from the pack in his pocket, lighting it up and taking a long drag before continuing, “Do you ever wonder what they’re gonna be like when we finally find someone willing to fuck us?” Oswald gave a hollow laugh, clearly trying to hide how upset he was over all of this. “Or do you think they see us as so undesirable, so totally un-fuckable, that they just assume we’re gonna be virgins for the rest of our lives?” Oswald stopped concealing his emotions, finally allowing himself to sound bitter and _pissed._

     “I don’t know. I don’t think they meant it like-”

     “I know, I know,” he interrupted with a sigh, “they didn’t mean it like an insult. It’s just… Well, it kinda _was_ an insult anyways, regardless of how they meant it, right?”

     And that...Honestly, Ed couldn’t argue with that. He never took offense to the fact that no one, to the best of his knowledge, had ever desired him before. That suited him just fine, he didn’t want them either. His heart belonged to one person, why waste time being hurt over affections that ultimately mean nothing to you? But, at least from Oswald’s perspective, Ed could see how the continued and overly dramatic shock at him having simply had his first kiss was actually pretty cruel on their friend’s parts. It telegraphed that they were surprised _anyone_ could be interested in him, and really, shouldn’t they be the people in his life most likely to be offended people _weren’t_ constantly throwing themselves at him? They shouldn’t be surprised when, as Oswald put it, either of them found someone willing to fuck them. They should only be surprised that it would take so long to happen.

     “I guess it’s just that, since they’ve known us for forever, something as big as that changing without us telling them would just be...jarring, I guess? I think that’s all this is, really.” Ed said, trying to calm Oswald but knowing the excuses he was making for their friends were still fairly bad. And they were the best he could come up with, too.

     “But a kiss isn’t a big change, Ed!”

     “No- I agree with you on that, I was saying- because, earlier, you said about them finding out if we were to have sex, they wouldn’t believe it? I was saying maybe their surprise at either of us keeping _that_ from them would be warranted. But with us not telling them about the kiss, yeah, you’re right. I-”

     “Wait! Ed, Oh my god, you’re a _genius!”_ Oswald was smiling and it was so full of mischief Ed couldn’t help but be a little bit scared. “They would _lose their minds_ if we were to actually have sex and just… not tell them. At least, not immediately. Of course _ultimately_ we’d bring it up, all blasé, to brag, but initially? We just keep it totally under their nose, because _clearly,”_ he snorted a little, still incredibly endearing in the midst of his scheming, “it’s the last thing they’d ever expect. For us to be getting laid.”

     “Yeah,” Ed chuckled, a little amused at how Oswald was treating all this like some revelation, “they would, no doubt about that. Except hasn’t that already been your main goal for the past, oh, I don’t know, forever? I’m not saying it wouldn’t be a pretty effective power move, but you do kinda need another willing participant to accomplish that.”

     Oswald stared at Ed as if he were the world's biggest moron, completely missing the obvious. “No, you’re not getting it. What if we did exactly what we did with our first kiss. Except we fuck this time.”

     Ed nearly crashed the car, swerving wildly to correct his initial slack-jawed release of the wheel.

     “FUCK, Ed! Are you _drunk_?! What the fuck?!”

     “Sorry, sorry! I just. I’m sorry- I really wasn’t expecting that.”

     “What, you hate the idea of sleeping with me so much you decided to kill us both? Noted, I won’t ask about it again-”

     “NO! No, God, no that’s not- obviously, it’s not-” Ed noticed Oswald was laughing, and mentally kicked himself for how _overt_ he was being.

     “Jesus, Ed, _relax._ It’s ok, really, I was just spit-balling. Clearly you’re very uncomfortable with the idea, so let’s just move on and never talk about it ever again, yeah?”

     “I’m not _uncomfortable_ -” Oswald cut him off with an unimpressed stare. “Well, I mean, I am but it’s not- that’s not-”

     Oswald turned a little more in his seat, trying and failing to comfortably face Ed. “You know you can tell me anything, right, Ed? Like, I don’t know, maybe you’re like Ivy and you just… Don’t have a sex drive. That’s totally ok, you get that right?”

     It warmed Ed’s heart to see how open and accepting Oswald was, but then again Os had always been like that. “Thank you, I know that. And I’m not, just for the record.”

     “I just… I don’t think I’ve ever actually heard you express more than a passing interest in, like, anybody. Ever.” Oswald said, looking up as though some memory of a nonexistent crush Ed once had might suddenly be projected on the windshield for him to view.

     Ed chuckled nervously, desperately trying to avert Oswald’s focus from the topic of Ed’s feelings. “Well, I have.” Sensing the obvious next question, Ed barreled on, “It doesn’t matter who. Or when. It’s happened, ok? So that’s- I mean, it’s not an issue. I have both romantic and sexual inclinations.”

     “So, what? You’re saying you’re in, then?”

     Ed was unsure how to proceed. The way Oswald had initially made the suggestion, so flippantly, lead Ed to believe that he was maybe still joking. “I- This is a joke, right?”

     “Well, I mean at first, a little but… This is crazy, right? Except, I dunno, I kinda like the idea that our first time would be with someone we actually trusted. And it wouldn’t be some cheesy ‘slept with my prom date and convinced myself he was the love of my life’ shit, you know?” Ed didn’t, not really. Os seemed to pick up on his confusion, “Like, we won’t ever have to worry about some messy break-up or feelings ruining it, right? And it’s not like either of us would be expecting anything from the other person, you know? It’d be like the kiss. Practice. And to get the initial, supposedly-terrible, first time out of the way.”

     “So, let me get this straight:” Ed started, feeling, not for the first time, a bit thrown by the cinematic irony of what his life had apparently become, “you’re suggesting that we have sex to get our first time out of the way. Because we trust each other,” Oswald was nodding along with Ed’s words, and already he could feel his heart beating faster just _thinking_ about how...real this all seemed to be. “And, I guess, so that we can tell to our friends we've done it in a few weeks and drive them crazy not telling them who it was with.”

     “Well, that’s secondary. But a nice side effect, to be sure.”

     There was a moment of pause, before Oswald added hesitantly, “So, what do you say? Have I gone completely insane? Or, should we do this?” Oswald was looking at Ed with the most gorgeous and hopeful expression, and Ed hated himself for knowing that he was going to be the one to wreck that. He would _have_ to, after all, it just wasn’t right of him to say yes. The kiss, that was one thing. And even that he felt guilty about. No, sleeping with Os while knowing he had feelings the other did not would be deceitful. He would be intentionally taking advantage of his friend, morally he couldn’t go through with it.

     But.

     Who would Ed really be hurting here? (Aside from the obvious; himself) Oswald knew what he was doing, he wasn’t _tricking_ Os into sleeping with him. They would do this, and then Oswald would go on with his life. He would never develop feelings, and one day he would stop talking to Ed. Forget him completely. That was going to happen either way, eventually. At least if they did this, Ed would having something, some memory to carry with him years from now when he was undoubtedly alone and heartbroken. He had fantasized for _years_ about this exact scenario. Well, not exactly. In his mind Oswald always wanted him, loved him, had sex with Ed because he wanted _Ed_. But that was never going to happen, and Ed needed to learn to accept that. So. He could say no, and possibly go his whole life never experiencing anything even close to complete happiness or true love, or. Or he could agree, probably get his heart broken, but have one fleeting moment of bliss.

_'Tis better to have loved and lost, right?_

     “Ok. Yeah, Ok, if you’re insane; I’m right there with you. I’m in.”

     Oswald laughed, clapping his hands together in excitement. “Shit! We’re really going to do this!” For a moment, Ed could almost pretend Oswald was excited because it was _him,_ was _them,_ doing this together. But, reality came crashing in reminding Ed that Oswald was more likely just excited at the prospect of finally getting laid. Who it was with meant nothing to him.

     “I just, uh-” Ed swallowed compulsively, “I have one condition.”

     “Yeah, shoot!” Oswald seemed a little giddy still, but sobered up slightly at Ed’s more serious expression.

     “No matter what happens; we promise each other that we won’t let this ruin our friendship. I- I can’t do this if it means losing you, losing us, ok?” Ed knew Oswald was going to grow tired of him one day and leave, everyone in Ed’s life eventually did. But he didn’t want to lose him over this, wouldn’t let this be their downfall. If it meant pretending not to care, breaking his own heart, so be it.

     “What,” Oswald said on a laugh, “you scared I’m going to fall in love with you?”

_No. I know you won’t. That’s what terrifies me._

     “I wouldn’t be too worried about that, Ed. Pretty sure your virgin dick isn’t going to make me magically develop feelings and ruin everything. But alright, if it’ll make you feel better: I promise you. This won’t ruin our friendship, no matter what.”

     He held out his pinky, their standard contract. Ed linked his own with Oswald’s, and in the same way it had been a mere month ago, their promise was sealed.

 

* * *

 

     Oswald decided it would be necessary for them to meet up and strategize before going through with their newly hatched planned. Much as Ed felt slightly embarrassed at the thought of talking openly about sex in the middle of a public coffee shop, he agreed to meet up with Os at the Starbucks between their respective homes.

     “Ok, so first we need to talk logistics; this isn’t going to work if we don’t... _match up,_ so to speak. So, who’s going to fuck who?” Oswald said with all the bland inflection of someone making a passing comment on the weather.

     “Oswald!” Ed cut in, “Can you please keep it down? What if someone hears us?” He did a cursory glance around, but luckily no one seemed to be paying any attention to them. Though, a mother had just seated herself and her two kids at a table a little closer to Ed and Os than Ed was really comfortable with.

     Oswald rolled his eyes, annoyed, “My dear Eddie, this is _Gotham._ No one gives a shit if we talk about anal sex in public, they’ve all heard or seen worse.” Ed couldn’t really disagree with that, based on his own experience with the city. In response, he simply resigned his argument with a huff, desperately hoping Oswald would avoid calling attention to the furious blush he could feel taking over his face.

     “I also think it would be beneficial to outline just what, exactly, we’re comfortable doing. Seeing as neither of us has done _anything_ before.”

     “Oh.” It had never occurred to Ed that Oswald could possibly intend to do anything less than, well, go _all the way_. “I just assumed that, when you proposed this, we would be- that we would-”

     “That there would be penetration?” Ed nodded, mouth suddenly too dry to talk, “Well, I mean traditionally, yes, that would be necessary for our ‘virginities’ to be gone, I suppose. But that’s a pretty antiquated idea of sex. I just wanted you to know; if that’s not something you’re comfortable with we don’t _have_ to do...that. I mean, I’m sure the idea of having something shoved up your ass could be daunting and-”

     “Oswald!” Ed interjected, still uneasy with the candidness and volume Oswald felt perfectly fine talking about all this with while still in a very, supposedly, family-friendly setting. He noticed out of the corner of his eye that mother ushering her two younger children to a table just slightly farther from Ed and Os. “I’m not- I’m all in, okay? There’s nothing I’m not interested in trying, just- can we _please_ discuss this more privately?”

     Oswald ignored Ed’s comment about privacy, focusing instead on the first half of his interjection. “So, when you say you’re interested in everything- I mean, I assume...You caught my insinuation? That I would be-”

     “Yes. I am very much agreeable to you topping, Oswald.” Ed said, finally giving up on trying to conceal the sordidness of their conversation.

     “Oh!” Oswald said, a cheerful little smile on his lips. “Good! I didn’t want to be rude assuming or anything, but, well…”

     “Yeah, I know,” Ed sighed, defeated, “I radiate that...sort of energy, don’t I?”

     “I mean, it’s not a _bad_ thing-” Os tried, consoling.

     “Whatever, I'm a bottom. I’ve accepted it.”

     “Ok, well, in that case I think it’s only fair that I provide, y’know, the lube and protection.”

     “Wow, how courteous of you.” Ed said, sarcasm dripping from his words.

     “What can I say?” Oswald chuckled, “I’m a real gentleman.”

     “So, when are we doing this? What are we starting with? Where should it happen?” Once the initial unease at discussing the graphic details of their upcoming sex life had ebbed, Ed found there was actually a lot of questions he had surrounding the whole event.

     “Well, my place won’t exactly work, seeing as our walls are practically paper and my room is right next door to my ever-present, nosy mother’s room.” Ed couldn’t help but agree. He loved Oswald’s mom, she had practically adopted him as her own son, so he _really_ didn’t want to have to explain to her any noises she would mostly likely hear.

     “My place it is. When is your next Saturday off?”

     “Fish said I can have next Saturday off, pretty rare that she gives me even one a month so we should probably make use of this opportunity.”

     “Ok, so that just leaves one question then; the what…” The apprehension in his tone was practically palpable. 

     “If you would prefer to build up to it, or do something else first, obviously we can, but I just figured: let’s get the big one out of the way first, right?”

     Ed gulped, suddenly feeling how very, _very_ real this all was. He wasn’t nervous, he was a teenage boy with a vivid imagination and active libido, this was an event he’d been looking forward to for quite some time. But to have it all be happening at once, with exactly who he’d always hoped he’d do this? It was a lot, to say the least. Oswald, for his part, was proving almost  _impossible_ to read.

     “Yeah, that’s-that should be fine.” Ed tried to smile, and though he felt it probably looked a little forced, Oswald let it slide.

     Conversation after that shifted to more easy and mundane topics, and for that Ed breathed a sigh of relief. This was happening. He was going to do this, in less than a fortnight, too. Ed just had to keep reminding himself; at least they would remain friends. When it was all over, he wouldn’t loose Oswald.

_This will be enough. Having him like this, fake as it is, will be enough._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be nsfw, probs so will every chapter after that from now on too.


	5. got you shackled in my embrace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to nasty boy hours. Louis, don't even try reading this chapter, bud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twit: @gaydiscovampire

     ‘Next Saturday’ comes much quicker than Ed expected it to. In fact, he’s somewhat inclined to believe that some bizarre cosmic event has occurred, because the week and a half or so leading up to the day they’d planned to have sex passes much faster than normal. Ed had tried to look up lunar cycles or the possible impacts of daylight savings time, anything really that would explain what he is sure has happened in the flux of the passage of time. Unfortunately, his research turns up nothing. He’s sure he’s not making this up, though. There’s no possible way that it’s all in his head, that he’s just a nervous mess thinking about how he’s going to lose his virginity to Oswald. That’s not it at all.

     He _is_ nervous, though. So nervous that when he gets a text from Oswald about two hours before the time they’d set for Ed to pick him up, he almost jumps out of his own skin.

 

**OC: grabbed the ‘supplies’ from rite aid ;))))**

**OC: ran into foxy while i was there so i kinda had to rush out lol hard to explain why i’d need lube to him, ya know?**

 

     Which, naturally, had only added to Ed’s panic. What if Lucius had seen what Oswald was getting? Knew what they were doing? What if it made Oswald change his mind? He seemed fairly apathetic in his text, but how was Ed supposed to know for sure? What if Ed arrived at his place to pick him up and Oswald was irate, mad at Ed for everything, told Ed he never wanted to speak to him ever again?

     Ed takes a long bubble bath to calm down. It helps, somewhat. He gets out and thinks for a moment about doing something different with his hair, maybe slicking it back with some gel? But then he thinks about Oswald’s fingers running through his hair, pushing it back as he takes him and-

     No. Curly mess will do, much as Ed hates how it looks. Better to save them at least _one_ sticky mess, if he can.

     He thinks about applying makeup, putting on some dark eyeliner and mascara like Oswald always wears. It takes Ed’s breath away every time he sees Os in it, such light, gorgeous eyes surrounded by all that darkness. But he knows he lacks any skill and would never get it to look as good as Os makes it look, so he forgoes it.

     He at least puts some effort into his wardrobe, selecting a T-shirt he got at a concert Oswald dragged him to once and a simple pair of jeans. He hated the band, the front man truly could not sing, Ed had no idea why he was chosen as the lead singer. But they were Oswald’s favorite band, so he hopes it might inspire pleasant feelings. Mostly, it’s clothing he knows will be quick and easy to remove. Best not to complicate things, right?

     He checks his phone and realizes that in all of his nervous over-thinking, he’s already late to pick up Oswald. He curses to himself, speeding the whole way to get Os, and ends up only being maybe ten minutes later than planned when he finally arrives at the street outside of the Cobblepot’s apartment.

     “What took you so long?” Oswald had clearly been waiting a while, expecting Ed to arrive early as he usually would.

     “I’m sorry! Sorry, yeah, I- uh. There was traffic?” Oswald side-eyes him as he enters the car, buckling his seat belt with no comment as Ed pulls away and back onto the main road.

     “At 3:30pm?”

     “Yeah.” Os drops it, which Ed finds himself eternally grateful for.

 

_You can’t find it sittin’ on a shelf in a store_

_If you try to hide it, it’s gonna shine even more_

 

     Reflexively, Ed reaches to shut the music off, knowing Oswald is probably already gearing up to complain. But before he can, Oswald grabs his wrist to stop him.

     “Leave it. I mean, trust me, I’d rather gnaw my own legs off than listen to country; but I kinda want the sound right now. And I know you don’t have anything else, so.”

     Ed is surprised, and slightly nervous. He wishes Oswald had chosen any other day, any other _song,_ to finally put up with. Because this one- it hits rather closer to home than Ed cares to admit. He’s terrified for a moment that Oswald’s going to really _listen_ , understand, somehow, that this song makes Ed think of Os every single time. That Oswald is going to figure him out before they even start this. But he doesn’t; just sits quietly and looks out his window for the entirety of the short drive back to Ed’s house.

     Ed parks in the garage attached to his house, and before he can get out of the car Oswald speaks again.

     “Are you ok, Ed? You seem nervous. Like… More so than usual.”

     Ed sighs, he really should’ve known better than trying to hide his panic from his best friend. “Yeah. I’m just… I mean, how are you _not_ nervous? This… It’s kinda of a big deal, right?”

     “Well, yeah,” Oswald shrugs with one shoulder, “But it’s also… I mean, it’s you. I trust you. Every time I start to freak out a little bit about how huge this all is, I just remember who I’m doing it with and that calms me. You calm me.” He shoots him a soft little smile and Ed melts.

     He can’t do this. He has to tell Oswald, explain that he’s not feeling well or, hell, tell the truth for once. Tell him that this is going to ruin Ed; devastate him. That he’s never going to be able to be with anyone else because it would just be unfair; he would always compare them to Oswald and no one will ever match up. He has to stop this before it goes any further, becomes something he will never bounce back from.

     “Ok. Thank you that- uh, that helps. I’m ok, really. Let’s do this.”

_Ed, you total moron. You deserve everything that will inevitably follow this._

     They make their way to Ed’s room. Os lets Ed lead the way, even though he’s been to his house enough times Ed is sure he knows the way like the back of his hand. Doesn’t even comment on how slow Ed takes the steps, one at a time, though he knows Oswald is usually incredibly impatient about that kind of thing. He seems to understand that Ed needs this, needs to know he’s in control of something even if it’s as insignificant as the pace at which they walk. He allows it in order to comfort Ed, and Ed hates how much he loves him for that simple gesture.

     Once in the bedroom, Ed immediately goes to sit on his bed. He doesn’t know what comes next, whether he should just start stripping or-

     “Hey, let’s just take it slow, yeah? We can start really simple, ok, just… just kissing, ok?” Ed nods, still able to remember the way his lips tingled after the first time they’d kissed. Os leans in and-

     Kissing Oswald sober is so much _better_ than Ed could have ever anticipated. He’s gentle, careful even. Takes his time before opening Ed’s mouth with the soft press of his tongue to the seam of Ed’s lips. From there it becomes a much more exploratory kiss, learning how to move together, what each other likes. It’s good, all of it is good. Even when it’s too much or too fast or too hard or not hard enough it’s so damn _good_ Ed can hardly stand it. He’s getting desperate and needy far too quick, but he can’t really be bothered to care at the moment.

     Oswald begins to push him, guide him so he’s lying down. Ed complies easily, knowing he’d let Os lead him anywhere, that he’d follow blindly always. Os pulls back, which Ed really hates, and tugs a little on the hem of his T-shirt.

     “Can I take this off?” Ed hates stupid questions, doesn’t think they deserve answers; but just this once he allows it and nods in reply. He’s self-conscious without his shirt- he’s a teenage boy, of course he is- but luckily, Oswald is back kissing him again before Ed even has time to move his arms to cover himself.

     Os moves closer, slotting himself between Ed’s open legs and suddenly- god, Oswald is _hard._ Ed can feel it, pressing against the seam of his jeans, and he so desperately wants _more._

     “Os- Oswald,” Ed starts tugging on Oswald’s shirt, “ _off.”_ Os takes the hint and removes his own shirt. He also moves his mouth away from Ed’s, which Ed almost protests, but only so that he can begin sucking marks high on Ed’s neck. It makes Ed moan louder than he’d like, already embarrassing himself, so he covers his mouth with his hands.

     “Hey, don’t-” Oswald insists, pulling Ed’s own hands away from his mouth, “I wanna be able to hear if I’m doing something you don’t like.” He looks so earnest, and so _young_ , and it breaks Ed’s heart. He just nods, and Oswald gets back to work. He know he sounds like a whore, moaning and whimpering over just the feeling of Oswald’s mouth on his neck and his still-clothed dick rutting against the seam of Ed’s pants, but it’s what Oswald wanted. So he stops trying to censor his noises.

     Os starts tugging at Ed’s fly, so he gets the picture and undoes his own jeans. Oswald does the same, and Ed feels like maybe it should be more awkward. But they’re both kind of laughing, struggling to get out of their jeans and shoes and socks, and it almost feels normal. Almost feels like they’re still just them- two idiot teenagers hanging out on a Saturday doing nothing really at all. It’s less scary, and that’s good. Os was right- having it be him, it makes Ed calmer.

     When they’re finally down to just boxer-briefs, Oswald picks his jeans up again to rifle through the pockets. “Almost forgot this,” He says, shaking the bottle of lube between his fingers as he plucks it from his back pocket, “That would’ve been bad, huh?”

     Ed laughs, even though he has no frame of reference for how bad that would actually be. He’s done research, obviously, but he’s never tried it. Doesn’t _really_ know, but doesn’t really _want_ to know either. He’s grateful Oswald came so prepared; Ed knows in his own state of panic he easily could have forgotten something as vital as lubricant.

     “So- I- Okay, I’m just going to... _finger_ you, I guess? Christ, that sounds so dumb, right? Like, straight out of some cheesy porn, ew, maybe-” Ed presses a finger to Oswald’s lips because he’s _rambling._ He’s actually _nervous._  It’s so impossibly sweet; Ed has never seen Oswald get flustered like this before and it makes his heart sing. It’s also incredibly comforting, knowing that Ed isn’t entirely alone in being apprehensive.

     “Yeah, that’s fine, Os, it’s good. I trust you.” Oswald looks so fucking grateful and _relieved_ , and surprises Ed with a fierce kiss. It’s a thank you, and Ed returns it enthusiastically. _You’re welcome._

     Oswald helps him shimmy out of his underwear, and they both take a steadying breath before Oswald coats two of his fingers with lube. It’s really fucking cold, which makes Ed jump back immediately.

     “Shit! I’m sorry, did I- did I hurt you?”

     “No!” Ed chuckles a little, “No, you didn’t even penetrate me. It’s just cold.”

     Oswald screws up his face in disgust, “God, Ed, please don’t use the word ‘penetrate’. Totally kills the mood.”

     “What would you rather I say? ‘You didn’t even enter me’? Or ‘probe’, maybe?” Oswald rolls his eyes and Ed laughs a little more.

     “Just- can you maybe be less _clinical?_ I feel like I’m fucking my doctor.”

     “Is that a kink of yours?” Ed feigns thoughtfulness, “I guess I could be into to trying some role-play”

     Oswald laughs at him, and shuts him up with a chaste kiss. _God, I’ll never shut up if this is how he’s going to get me to stop talking from now on._

     Oswald tries again, this time having warmed the lube between his fingers while they talked, and Ed doesn’t flinch away. It’s not exactly a new feeling- Ed has dreamed of this moment for years, after all, and gotten off plenty of times just fingering himself and wishing it were Oswald’s hands instead of his own. It is, however, shockingly intimate. Ed feels so vulnerable that he almost wants to cover himself, too raw and defenseless and _open._ But Oswald is looking down at him with this slack-jawed kind of awe that makes Ed feel like he’s actually something special to look at and he kind of never wants lose that look, so he remains totally on display and exposed.

     Oswald works one finger in with ease, and the second comes not long after. Ed very nearly comes on just his fingers alone. It’s not that he’s particularly skillful, more that he’s just… _Oswald._ Ed has wanted him his whole life and now he’s here and touching him and _real._ It’s a wonder Ed didn’t come the moment they started taking off their clothes, really.

     But all too soon Oswald is stopping, taking his fingers out and mumbling a few expletives to himself.

     “Fuck, I’m sorry, Ed. We can’t- we have to stop.” Ed panics, fear settling into the gaps in his bones and chilling him to the core.

     “Why- What-” Ed nearly apologies, _I’m sorry I love you I know you can tell but I promise it’s ok you can fuck me and break my heart and use me and leave me I’ll let you I swear I’ll be good I want this,_ but just barely stops himself.

     “It’s- ok, don’t laugh at me, but: I forgot to buy condoms.”

     Ed does laugh.

     “Hey, I said- ! Ugh, I _know,_ I’m an idiot, ok? It’s just, I ran into Lucius, and I was nervous, so, I hurried to checkout but in my rush I guess I just forgot to grab them, so- yeah. We can’t really, y’know, do _this.”_ To emphasize his point, Oswald thrusts his hips a little in a motion that clearly indicates that by ‘this’, he meant him fucking Ed. Only, He’s close enough that the motion results in his still hard, but covered by the flimsy material of his briefs, dick rutting against Ed’s bare thigh, causing Oswald to moan, deep and low.

     It’s so hot, so incredibly erotic, Ed really very nearly comes at just the sight of Oswald rubbing off on him.

     “Don’t worry about it just- y’know, you can just do it without one.” Ed’s blushing like crazy, which is almost funny seeing as Oswald had just been knuckle-deep in him and he can’t quite work up the nerve to say the word ‘condom’.

     Oswald looks at him like he’s just sprouted a second head. “You’re shitting me, right?”

     Ed looks away, unsure why Oswald’s so hung up on this. “Well, It’s not like either one of us could possibly have a disease or anything right? I mean it’s our first time, so…”

     Oswald laughs, and Ed’s eyes immediately snap back to his. “I can’t fucking believe- you are actually the most ridiculous person in the world, you know that, right?” Ed looks at him, puzzled, hoping for some explanation as to _why,_ exactly, this is so baffling to Oswald. “Edward Nygma, the same guy who will literally not even start his fucking _car_ until I’ve put on my seat belt, is ok getting fucked without a condom?” Oswald laughs and it’s so lacking any mean-spiritedness that Ed has to smile shyly back at him.

     Part of him wants to correct Oswald, _I wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t you, wouldn’t let anyone else but it’s you._ Instead, though, he lamely replies; “I _have_ heard that having sex without a condom is more… Pleasurable.” Which earns him another laugh from Oswald.

     “Ed, your hedonism is commendable. Well, I’m really not in the mood to fight you, so If you’re really okay with this-” He pauses to look pointedly at Ed, waiting for confirmation. Ed nods once, swiftly, “then, uh, yeah. I am too.”

     They share a small, private smile. Again, Ed is reminded of just how happy he is to be doing this with the person he trusts most in the world. Oswald starts to take off his briefs, and Ed finds himself looking away in embarrassment. They’ve already done so much, seen so much of each other, but he somehow still feels like watching Os strip completely would be invading his privacy in some way. It’s stupid and childish, but he can’t help it. This is all just so... _much._

     He hears more than sees Oswald pour more lube into his own palm, and when he turns back Oswald has begun slicking himself up. It takes the air straight out of Ed’s lungs. Oswald has his eyes closed, lower lip bitten between his teeth, while he strokes himself. A few times more than is strictly necessary, but Ed would never even dream of stopping him. When Oswald opens his eyes again, the intensity of his gaze threatens to kill Ed.

     “Ok- are you ready?” Ed nods, and slowly Oswald inches himself forward. He grabs Ed’s hip in one hand, lining himself up with the other.

    He only manages to get the tip in before Ed is stopping him.

    “Holy shit _ow-_ Oswald-" immediately he retreats, looking a little bit terrified.

    “Oh my god! Oh my god, oh my god, Ed, Jesus I’m sorry-"

    “No, it’s fine, really, I just wasn’t rea-"

    “I hurt you holy _shit_ I’m sorry-"

    “Os, Hey, it’s ok! I’m fine, just… I wasn’t ready. I’m not- maybe two fingers wasn’t enough? Or- I don’t think this position-" Even as he says it Ed knows he’s right, his legs are cramping from him being bent nearly in half, and his arm hurts from holding them up.

    “Ok, here-" Oswald begins to guide him onto to stomach, gently holding his hips again to pull him so he’s in a crude estimation of a child’s pose. “Is this better?”

    Ed nods, But realizes that the motion is almost impossible for Oswald to see from his current vantage point, “Yeah- that’s perfect. This should work.”

    He’s a little upset that he couldn’t make face-to-face work, he’d been so hoping he’d have Oswald’s expression as he comes forever etched into his memory. But maybe this is a blessing in disguise; less eye contact means less intimacy means less chance of Edward making all of this more than it really was in his own mind.

     _Hah. As if it were even possible for this to be anything less than the biggest moment in your whole life._

    Oswald is still cradling one hip in his hand as he slowly, _slowly_ enters Ed again. This time, Oswald restrains himself. Takes his time. Ed can feel every agonizing inch- but never once is it painful. A bit uncomfortable, at moments, but never bad. Never anything less than _exactly_ how Ed had always dreamed it might one day be. Oswald is keeping himself distracted by kissing and biting more marks onto Ed's back, and it's almost painful how _good_ it all feels.

    It takes forever for Os to bottom out, and by the time he does Ed is too keyed up to do more than moan a quick, “ _more,_ Oswald, _please.”_ and pray he delivers. It’s so good, but it’s not enough- Ed needs it _all._

Oswald responds in record time, thrusting in and out without ever fully exiting Ed. It’s quick and dirty and punctuated by these breathy little “ _ah ah ah”s_ from Oswald and Ed wants to cry. It’s all so fantastic and right and _amazing._

 _“Fuck_ , Oswald, yes. So good, right there, so perfect, _yes.”_

    Oswald picks up his pace, each time thrusting a little harder, going a little deeper than he had been before. It fills Ed with a swell of pride, thinking maybe his words had that effect. Made Oswald want to really lean into him and _take._

    “Ed, _fuck_ , I’m close. So close.” Ed moans like a harlot, lacking all abandon, and begins to jerk himself off in time with Oswald’s rhythm.

    “Yeah, fuck, come inside me, Oswald.” The second he says it, he realizes how much he _wants_ it. Wants to feel owned and used and claimed and marked up. Wants it so bad he can’t even think straight, tugging himself hard and fast, chasing release.

    Oswald thrusts once, twice, and then stills. For a moment, Ed is tempted to ask what’s wrong and then he _feels_ it. Feels as Oswald comes inside him, and it’s so much more than he ever expected it might be. He feels full, impossibly so, and ready to explode. Which he does, actually. All over his own fist and the bedspread underneath him. It takes so much out of him he slumps completely forward, Oswald coming with him almost as an afterthought.

    Ed can’t really tell how long they lie there like that, Oswald still inside of him and Ed’s own come drying on his palm. Eventually, Oswald begins to sit up, pulling out with as much care as he can manage. It still hurts, but Ed pretends it doesn’t.

    “Wow.”

    Ed laughs, a little mystified over what had just happened, “Yeah, you could say that again.”

    “I mean- I get it now, you know? Why people go crazy, act like idiots, over this. It’s- I mean _wow.”_ Oswald is smiling down at him, this soft, dopey little thing, and Ed almost convinces himself that’s what love looks like.

    “Yeah, I- I wasn’t expecting it to be like that, to be so _good_ , either.” They smile at each other again, and it’s painfully sincere. They could rib each other- make some stupid joke to break the tension. But they don’t. They just sit there, basking in the profound perfectness of what just happened between them, and enjoy it. Enjoy the silence.

    Then, because the world hates Ed, Oswald’s phone begins to ring. He jumps up immediately to get it, swearing to himself as he tugs on his underwear as though the caller could possibly tell he’s totally naked.

    “Mother! Yes, I know, I’m so sorry I didn’t call I just- you what? No no no,  I would have remembered if you- Oh. _Ohhh._ Yes, well. I forgot.” Oswald shoots Ed an apologetic glance before leaving the room, clearly looking to finish his phone call in private. Ed’s not really concerned, though. He’s still trying to wrap his mind around being fucked within an inch of his life by his soulmate, so being left alone for a few minutes hardly phases him. When Oswald does come back, he looks about a hundred times more apologetic and even somewhat guilty. He also, apparently, made use of the mirror and sink in Ed's bathroom because most of the makeup that had smeared around his eyes during their tryst is now gone.

    “Ok, I’m the worst. I’m a total asshole! I forgot that my mom asked if I could meet her at her church for this... honestly, I don’t even know what. I wanna say it’s a lent thing? But that’s not until, like, March, right?” Ed nods, absentmindedly. “Ok. Then I don’t fucking know, but she needs me there. So I- I sort of have to go.” Oswald is shuffling around as though he feels guilty for leaving, but Ed can’t fathom why. He’d already paid his slut in nice words and sweet glances, Ed knew how this played out. Transaction complete, no need to linger.

    “Ok. Yeah, um, if you want I can drive you-" they both know that’s a lie the second it leaves Ed's lips, though. Ed’s house is too close to Oswald’s mother’s church to really necessitate a drive, plus Ed is still half-drunk on post-orgasmic bliss.

    “No, no, it’s fine- I’ll walk. Only a couple blocks anyways, saves gas which saves the environment, right?” Oswald’s mostly talking to himself, rushing through clothing himself again. Ed mumbles a sleepy ‘ _sure’_ but Oswald doesn’t really seem to hear him nor care.

    “Hey, um, this was-” he stops, fully clothed, looking down at Ed with wonder, “this was _wow._ I’ll text you later?” Ed nods, and Oswald smiles.

    For a second, he looks like he’s contemplating doing more. Maybe reaching out to kiss Ed, or give him a high five, something. Either way, he thinks better of it and turns to walk out of Ed’s bedroom door. It’s a better goodbye than Ed thought he’d ever get- a better _everything_ than Ed thought he’d ever get, so he’s content. Rather than contemplate the enormity of everything that just took place, Ed chooses to roll over and away from the damp spot on his sheets. Over thinking could wait until after he’d taken a power nap.

    It’s only as he’s drifting off into the nothingness of sleep that a thought, or, really, that day’s date occurs to Ed: _Huh. Happy Valentine’s day._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So all the ch titles have been lyrics from songs on my hs au nygmobs playlist. I’m gonna in life that here. Why, you may ask, in the end note if this chapter? Two pretty inconsequential reasons: 1) five is my lucky and favorite number. 2) this is probably my fav chapter in the fic (😏😜). 
> 
> So here’s the playlist:  
> •slow burn- kacey musgraves  
> •we are golden- MIKA  
> •delicate- Taylor Swift  
> •latch- disclosure ft. Sam Smith  
> •mikrokosmos- BTS  
> •do i wanna know- arctic monkeys  
> •sidekick- walk the moon  
> •fool for love- Lord Huron  
> •peach- the front bottoms  
> •the tea- Danny Gonzalez  
> •R U mine?- arctic monkeys  
> •gorgeous- Taylor Swift  
> •the sound- the 1975  
> •blank space- Taylor Swift  
> •aquaman- walk the moon  
> •YOUTH- troye Sivan  
> •sober up- AJR  
> •sugar, we’re going down- fall out boy  
> •weak- AJR  
> •sleeping with a friend- neon trees  
> •how to be a heart breaker- marina and the diamonds  
> •we live like vampires- sparks the rescue  
> •Genghis khan- miike snow  
> •I feel it coming- The Weeknd  
> •butterflies- kacey musgraves  
> •alone with me- Vance Joy  
> •somebody loves you- Betty who  
> •work this body- walk the moon  
> •love is a wild thing- kacey musgraves  
> •fast slow disco- st. Vincent  
> •wild heart- bleachers  
> •summer shandy- the front bottoms  
> •dress- Taylor Swift  
> •iris- the goo goo dolls  
> •grand finale- the front bottoms  
> •candles- daughter


	6. unfair we're not somewhere misbehavin' for days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> short, sweet, and to the point. Louis just dm me for plot points cause this is smut. Zella, i'm pumping this out tonight just for u cause of that essay. i love u bitch.

     Ed felt as if he was floating on air the entire rest of the weekend. Oswald did, in fact, text him later. It was just their usual conversation, but that was perfect for assuaging Ed’s fears that maybe things would get awkward between them after everything that had happened. Ed’s joy lasted him all the way through to Monday morning, so by the time he picked Oswald up on his way to school he was grinning and humming along to _Velvet Elvis_ blaring from his car speakers.

     “Well someone's in a good mood! What’s got you so chipper?”

     Ed thought for a moment about being honest, telling Os that Saturday had been the single best day of his entire life and had left him so entirely happy, so utterly filled with leftover bliss that he couldn’t help that he was still riding the high of that day. That being with Os, like that, had changed him more than Ed thought it would, and though he knew the downward spiral was sure to be proportionally terrible, he was content for now just enjoying the good.

     But that was a little much, a little too telling, seeing as Oswald himself appeared entirely unaffected. So, instead, Ed settled for, “Nothing in particular. It’s just, well, the sun is shining. Birds are singing. It’s a good day! What, is it a crime to be happy now?”

     “On a Monday morning in the middle of the dreariest month of the year? Yes. It kind of is.”

     Ed just rolled his eyes, and Oswald dropped it.

     “So. Do you think they’ll notice? Like maybe we… I don’t know, just seem different now somehow?”

     “I kind of doubt they will.” Oswald deflated a little, clearly hoping for a different response, “I mean, think about it; did _we_ notice when any of them lost it?” He paused, waiting for some snarky reply from Oswald, but when none came he continued, “Exactly. It’s not like a palpable thing, it’s just...Sex. Kind of uneventful, in the grand scheme of things, really.” Ed hoped his unaffected act was working. It was just about the exact _opposite_  of nothing, for Ed at least. But he wasn’t going to let Oswald know that.

     “What, is that supposed to be a review or something? You wound me, Ed.” Oswald deadpanned.

     “Even if that _was_ what I was saying, and you know it wasn’t, I doubt my opinion holds much weight. I mean, what, exactly, would I have to compare it to?” Oswald laughed, lighting up a cigarette as an end to their discussion.

     Ed did notice that Oswald seemed a little different, though. Marginally... _lighter._ Not as exuberant as Ed felt, but still. Maybe Ed was just trying to see things that weren’t really there, but he would swear on his life that as they pulled into the school parking lot Oswald was lightly humming along as  _Rainbow_  played though his shitty speakers.

* * *

     “Jesus _Christ_ , Nygma! Since when are you screwing around? And who the fuck with?”

     Ed had only adjusted his turtle neck a bit, momentarily exposing his neck to the somewhat less stifling air of the school’s lunch room. Apparently, though, that one motion provided Barbara with a damning glimpse at the hickeys covering Ed’s neck.

     Ed had honestly been surprised that morning when they still hadn’t faded completely. To be fair, though, he had always bruised easily. And, of course, Oswald _had_ been fairly aggressive in the sheer volume of marks he left. So Ed had worn a turtleneck, sending up a small prayer of thanks to whatever powers at work that had allowed all this to happen in the winter months.

     “What? Hah, that’s- that’s insane, Barbara, you must be seeing things! Just, y’know, weird lighting or something...”  _Damn. You sound nervous. Like you’re hiding something._

     Barbara looked incredibly suspicious. “Hm. Seems like a bit of a stretch; the _lighting_ making you look all fifty shades of fucked? Although, that does sound a lot more plausible than anyone wanting to touch you, I guess.”

     “Woah, hey! What did Ed do to deserve your bullshit today, Barbara? Can you please just, for once, go a day without attacking him?” Lee interjected, clearly missing the incriminatingly nervous way Ed had initially responded and was continuing to act.

     “Oh, sorry, I just must’ve missed the flying pigs on my way here today because it appears our dear, sweet Eddie here actually managed to find someone willing to fuck him.”

     “I didn’t-” Ed started, before Lee drowned him out

     “Oh my _god,_ Babs, for real _why_ are you always so mean to him?!”

     “Lee, you aren't listening to me: I just saw actual evidence that there exists a person blind enough to find Edward Nygma _attractive!_ Do you realize how-”

     Before things could escalate any further, Ed bolted. Barbara was dangerously close to exposing them; all it would take was a little more conversation about Ed’s neck and Lee would put two and two together. Oswald having his first kiss, Ed walking into school marked up- it would be obvious. Ed couldn’t let that happen- not yet, not just as it was all starting- so he ran to the men’s bathroom to hide.

     Ed had just barely locked the door to the handicapped stall behind him when someone began insistently banging on it. Which was fairly rude, seeing as no other stall was occupied and, save for them, the whole bathroom, in fact, was empty.

     “Someone's in here-”

     “Ed! It’s me, open up.”

     Ed didn’t even need to think before opening the door, just moved on instinct because, well, _Oswald._ He never needed a reason to be let into Ed’s life.

     The moment the door opened, Oswald immediately pulls Ed into a fiercely tight hug. It confuses Ed, sure, but he would never complain about a gesture of physical affection from Oswald, so he accepts it gladly.  

     “Ed, she doesn’t matter, ok? Babs is always saying that kinda shit, and I know it doesn’t excuse it, but she really doesn’t mean it. She’s wrong and she-”

     “Wait,” Ed hates that he has to pull away, but needs to see Oswald’s face in case any answers might lie there, “what are you talking about?”

     Oswald looks at him, bewildered. “Barbara? What she was saying? The _whole reason_ you ran away from lunch in a fit?”

     “Ohhhhh,” Ed just barely holds back a laugh, “No, that’s not why I left. Yes, obviously it was hurtful- but when isn’t she saying those kinds of things to me? No, _that_ I am totally used to. I left because I was afraid she was going to clue them all into what.... _happened_ between us. On Saturday.” _On Valentine’s Day._

     “Hey,” Oswald began sweeping his hands up and down Ed’s arms in a calming gesture, “relax, okay? We’re _fine._ Lee was pissed at Barbara for being a bitch to you and Jim- honestly, I don’t think he pays attention to most of the shit that goes on in the group, really. None of them were listening to her insisting you were covered in hickeys. Which- sorry about that by the way.” It was adorable, how sheepish and innocent Oswald looked while admitting to something so depraved. He hadn’t given Ed those marks during some harmless make-out session- no, half of them were put there while Os was _inside_ of Ed. Yet he still somehow had the gall to look boyishly sweet while apologizing for making them. It was painful, really, how much it made Ed love Oswald even more. _If that were even possible._

     “No, it’s fine. It’s not like I didn’t- well, _enjoy_ it or anything. Totally worth a couple of days of turtlenecks, if you ask me.” Had the heater just kicked on? Or was the sudden rise in temperature in the cramped stall just in Ed’s head.

     “Hey! You know, you still seem pretty upset,” which wasn’t really true, “and I can think of one _very_ good way to loosen you up. You’ll forget all about this stupid Barbara shit. And, it will be another personal first for us both.” With a mischievous glint in his eyes, Oswald lowered himself to his knees. It was a little awkward, on account of his bad leg, but Ed really couldn’t focus on that with how his brain was short circuiting trying to make sense of the sight before him.

     It was criminal, seeing someone as perfect, a near _divinity_ , as Oswald in such a subservient position. And on the disgusting floor of a public bathroom, no less.

     “A-are you-” But the rest of Ed’s sentence is cut short by the embarrassing whimper that leaves his lips as Oswald began caressing the crotch of his pants.

     “Don’t worry- I’ll take care of you.” As the words leave Oswald's lips, he hastily unbuttons and unzips Ed’s fly. “I mean, how hard can this be, right? No pun intended.” Because, obviously, Ed was hard as a rock.

     “Wait- Os, you don’t have to-” Oswald’s eyes snap up to meet Ed’s at that, a piercing, sea-green gaze that steals the breath from Ed’s lungs.

     “I know I don’t _have_ to, Eddie, but I _want_ to. Let me do this for you?” Which was really too tantalizing an offer for Ed to do anything more than nod in an overly eager reply.

     Oswald made quick work of releasing Ed from his briefs, thankfully realizing after only one or two strokes that he would need something more slick to help aide him in his efforts. Then Ed's heart stops beating entirely, stupefied by the scene playing out before him:

     Oswald spits into his palm, stroking Ed with his own saliva as he lowers his mouth onto him; eyes locked with Ed’s the entire time. It takes all of Ed’s self-restraint not to come immediately at the sight, so he has none remaining to stop him from thrusting into the tight, wet heat of Oswald’s mouth. Oswald, ever the adaptable one, merely takes it in stride. He grips Ed’s hip with his free hand, lest he get the wrong idea about who was  _really_ in control, and begins bobbing his head up and down about half of Ed’s length. What he can’t take into his mouth, he works vigorously with his hand. It's the most... _everything_ Ed has ever felt, save for their encounter on Saturday. It takes a truly embarrassingly short time for Ed to reach the brink of climax, so he grips Oswald’s hair to pull him off of his dick.

     “Oswald, I’m about to come-”

     “Ok.” Os states simply, sealing his lips tightly around Ed’s tip once more. It's a statement leaving no room for argument, really, and more than it actually feels good (though it feels  _incredible_ ) it's an action so defiantly _Oswald_ that Ed comes immediately. Oswald, for his part, tries desperately to swallow it, but the look on his face communicates to Ed that clearly the taste is much less pleasant than he’d been expecting. He waddles his way, still on his knees, over to the toilet and spits the majority of it out. It seemed a little dramatic, to Ed, when he also begins scrubbing his mouth out with toilet paper, but then again Ed had never tasted semen before, so who was he to judge?

     “That is _foul,_ god, how to people just...swallow that?! I mean, I hate myself for being a quitter, but I guess semen is just an acquired taste.”

     “Oh,” Ed hurries to tuck himself back into his jeans with a laugh, “I’m sorry about that.”

     “It’s not really your fault, Ed, but thanks for the sentiment I guess.”

     Ed cranes his neck, trying desperately to see whether or not Oswald is aroused as well. He remained half hunched over the toilet, though, so Ed's vantage point wasn't great.

     “Should I...reciprocate?”

     “Oh, definitely. Just- not right now. I’ve just about exhausted the amount of time I can spend pretending hooking up in a bathroom is anything but disgusting. So, another time?”

 _Another time._ Ed’s heart swells, foolishly. “Yeah. Absolutely.” But their sweet moment is cut short by the sound of the warning bell. Ed only has time to help Oswald up and say a quick goodbye before they both head their separate ways to class. And if Ed grins ear to ear for the entire rest of the day, well, what's so bad about that? No one calls him on it, except for the smug smile Oswald shoots him as they meet by Ed’s car to drive home together at the end of the day.

* * *

     Lunch the next day gets kicked off by yet another exclamation from Barbara:

     “Did you guys _hear?!_ Some dude got a blowjob in the men’s bathroom yesterday! My money’s on Jerome, that kid’s gross as fuck, but no one is actually sure who gave _or_ who received. Fuck, Ed, no one ever taught you how to drink?!”

     It's easy for Oswald to claim his manic laughter was in response to Ed’s sudden and unprompted choking on his water, but Ed knew the real reason. _Smug bastard._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK verb tenses are all OVER the place on this one. I kinda forgot what the tenses were in the last chapter tbh, so like most of the porn is happening in the moment in this one i guess???? yeah im tired idk this isn't my best buuuuut hey! c'est la vie. I think I'll stick to past tense from now on? who knows.


	7. i was born to lose cause im a fool for love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twit: @gaydiscovampire
> 
>  
> 
> Also my good pal made some DOPE e boy Oswald art because they are a true intellectual and GET this au Oswald so here’s a link to that: https://twitter.com/golddplatedd/status/1138337672802422784?s=21  
> PLS go follow and give them some mad kudos for this masterpiece

    Oswald basically pretends that their rendezvous in the bathroom never happened. Well, that’s not exactly fair to say. Ed never brings it up, and neither does Oswald. They don’t talk about the kiss, they don’t talk about Valentine’s Day, and they don’t talk about the bathroom. Which should have felt awkward, logically Ed knew that. But somehow it just… didn’t. They went on as they always had; best friends, nothing more or less. And most days, Ed could even convince himself he was fine with that. It had been just under two weeks since Valentine’s Day, so he figured his sample time was technically too short to really provide conclusive results, but still. It was…nice. Not everything Ed had ever hoped it might be, but definitely not as bad as some of his fears about all of this actually happening had been. Best of all; Oswald hardly even talked about other guys anymore, content with his own secret affair and too caught up in the drama of it all to be actively pursuing anyone else. All was well.

**got ham's gayest gc**

**BK: ok listen up homos: my rents r gonna b out of town for the weekend so im permitting u all the honor of spending tonight @ my place. BYOB, obvs. And dont even try to bring anyone not in this gc i will END U**

**HQ: BYOB? so im assuming tht means ur all expecting me 2 bring the booze then?**

**LT: yep.**

**JG: goes double 4 me.**

**HD: ya**

**KK: 👍**

**IK: affirmative**

**LF: Yes.**

**IP: yes plz & ty bby ! 😘**

**OC: ye**

**OC: ed says ye too**

**BK: os he’s not in this gc y the fuck do u think he’s invited???**

**OC: 😕**

**LT: barbara….**

**KK: Hey! If Eds not going then im not either! MUTINY!**

**BK: FUCKING FINE.**

**BK: he can come or whatever. but i reserve the right to kick him out if i feel like it and im not adding him to this gc.**

**OC: that’s fair**

**JG: compromise! gotta love it :))))**

**LT: ☺️👍**

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Barbara Kean lived in what could only be described as a mansion. Ed himself had only ever been there twice, which she had only allowed after constant pestering from their other friends to invite him along. Barbara really didn’t like Ed, which was fair seeing as he kind of hated her as well. Though, that didn’t mean he would ever pass up the opportunity to party at her house. Because, again, _mansion_.

    The really exciting thing about Barbara’s get-together was that, with no parents around to stop them, they had totally free-reign of the place. The first thing they all agreed to do upon arriving was claim their rooms for the night. It was a big house, and their group was fairly small, but still there weren’t quite enough rooms for everyone to have their own. Thus, some people would be forced to pair up. Ed didn’t want to assume, but he kept his fingers crossed behind his back the whole way up Barbara’s grand staircase that Oswald would insist him and Ed share a room.

    “Oooh Jim! Guys, me and Jim call dibs on this one!” Lee exclaimed, pulling Jim along with her into the first room on the right.

    “Well thank god they picked one on the opposite end of the hall to my room.” Barbara sighed, relieved, “The last thing I need tonight is to hear any of you losers fucking.”

    “Ecco! Let’s stay in the room besides Babs!” Ivy enthused, dragging her girlfriend down the long hallway to follow Barbara and claim the last two rooms on the left.

    One by one they all followed suit. Isabella, Kristen, Lucius, and Harvey all took advantage of the opportunity to claim their own rooms in the massive corridor, leaving exactly two rooms left. _Shit,_ Ed thought to himself, _one for each of us. Separate._

    “Oh, well. I suppose that means we’re forced to share, huh, Eddie?” Oswald bemoaned theatrically.

    Ed was surprised. They were the last two in the hallway, why was Oswald putting on a show? Who for? “Actually, Oswald, I believe you’ve missed the room beside Kristen, that one still remains op-” Oswald ignored him, pulling Ed through the door directly behind them. He continued to pull Ed closer, once in the room with the door safely closed behind them, not even bothering to turn on a light. Os placed both of his hands around Ed’s neck, so Ed followed suit placing his hands on Oswald’s hips. It was almost perfect; had there been music playing, they would have been in the ideal position for a romantic slow dance. Though, knowing Oswald, he’d never let anything that sappy ever _really_ happen between them. He’d call it cheesy and cliche and make some joke, and Ed would laugh along and pretend it didn’t make him want to cry and scream and beg to be something treasurable.

    “I was thinking…” Oswald started, and from the scant sliver of moonlight filtering through the open window behind him, Ed could see Os bat his eyelashes coyly, “Tonight would be the perfect time for you to repay my little favor. Y’know, in the bathroom last week?”

    Ed gulped. “Yes. Um, ok. I’d love to.” Oswald smiled at that, as gorgeous and tempting as Delilah herself.

    “Perfect. Now- let’s get back out there and get wasted before people start to talk.” And just as quickly as he’d pulled Ed close, he was pushing him away. Ed followed, eternally Oswald’s shadow, out of the dark room and back into the light of friends and laughter and drinking and carelessness.

* * *

    Ecco had certainly made good on her promise to bring libations for everyone. Five bottles of hard liquor, two of wine, and a thirty pack of beer which was sure to remain untouched as none of them really favored beer. In no time, the lightweights of the group were hurtling towards trashed forcing those with a higher tolerance to work overtime just trying to catch up. Ed was lucky- a true lightweight, already in that pleasantly drunk and hazy place where everything seems fun and exciting and your fingers start to feel a little numb. Mostly, he just wanted to wander around the party. Everyone had spread out to the many corners of Barbara’s house- and Ed was growing tired of the group he was currently with.

    Jim had immediately set up a pong table, reigniting the infamous feud between himself and Isabella. They were, by far, the two most competitive people Ed had ever met in his life, and shared a longstanding battle over who was the true pong champion. Ed couldn’t care less who it was, never payed much attention to the games. He’d only come to that room because Lee had enticed him with shots- but, then, he vaguely remembered Lee leaving. So, with no reason to stay, he left the room to explore.

    In the kitchen he found Barbara seated on her counter, surrounded by Kristen and Lee. It sounded like a very passionate discussion- possibly political, possibly nonsensical. Ed didn’t stay long enough to find out, too smart to stay very long in a room with a woman who notoriously hated him and could often prove a fairly mean drunk.

    Ed heard music, which seemed promising, so he followed the noise towards the back of the house. There was a lot to take in at once, there- for starters, Barbara apparently owned a literal disco ball. It was mostly just an accessory to the main form of entertainment, though. A TV big enough to really be considered more of a movie screen was hanging from a wall, displaying the lyrics to the song currently blasting from a sound system so incredible Ed was sure it must've cost about as much as his first years' tuition would. This room had one purpose: Karaoke. And up to mic, currently, was Ecco. She was doing a fairly terrible rendition of “Call Me Maybe”, but luckily Ed knew the song well enough to know it was nearly over. Ivy, Oswald, and Harvey were dancing along to the hypnotic pop beat, not caring about their singer’s lack of vocal talent. As the final notes of the song played out, Ecco handed the mic to an expectant Harvey. So they must’ve had a queue lined up, then. An order already established.

    “This’sone goes out to allllllll you crazy party pe-“ Harvey hiccuped, ”people. LESSGO!”

    Ivy was the first to notice Ed standing at the periphery of the room, taking in the sight before him but not participating in it. Just as Harvey started to belt out the ominous first lyrics of Cher’s “Believe”, Ivy pulled Ed fully into the throng of their tiny dance floor.

    Ivy’s preferred dancing style seemed to mostly just be flailing limbs, with a few corny moves here and there. A “mowing the lawn” and “shopping for groceries” as well as the classic “sprinkler” were some of the notable ones. Ed tried to keep up, but was too drunk to really do much more than laugh and bop along to the pulsing rhythm. Next, Ecco grabbed Ed’s waist, pulling him close and very nearly grinding against him. It was all in good fun, of course, which resulted in a lot more laughter and a few dabs on Ecco's part. Ed continued to dance closely with Ecco, a mockery of all the love-drunk idiots practically getting laid on the dance floor at most of their high school semi-formals.

     The mood shifted when Oswald joined the mix, taking Ecco’s place against Ed and effortlessly looping his arms around Ed’s neck. The girls went off on their own to the side, giggling and dancing and not paying any attention to anyone but each other. Which didn’t help with how suddenly intimate Oswald’s proximity felt. They were in much the same position they had been a few short hours ago, only this time their bodies were moving along with the beat, close enough to fall into sync with one another.

    Ed was drunk, so was Oswald. Thoughts came in hazily, about how this was too obvious and public and a bad idea. Those didn’t really seem to matter, though, as Harvey continued to belt about “life after love”. Ed found himself focusing solely on Oswald. He was flushed and sweating and stunning. Ed wanted to lean in and taste him, which actually seemed like a really, really good idea. So he did, leaning in and licking a long stripe up Oswald’s neck.

    Oswald laughed and pushed his head away, “You're soooo fucked up, Eddie.”

    Ed smiled, “I know.”

    They laughed. They danced. The song ended and Ivy and Ecco returned. Ed was sad when Oswald stopped dancing so close to him, but happy to dance with his friends again. Then they stopped dancing, and were in the kitchen. Ed was draped across Oswald’s chest, head in the crook of his neck. Oswald smelled nice. Then they were on a couch and holding hands and Ed’s head was on Oswald’s shoulder. It felt nice. Kristen kept looking at Ed in a way that almost made him panic until he remembered he was against Oswald still, so he calmed down. No one else was looking at him like that, anyways. Kristen was just Kristen. Didn’t matter. Then they were back in their room.

    Ed felt more coherent, as the realization dawned on him that he was now lying in the pitch dark, sharing a bed with Oswald.

    “Oswald?”

    “Ed? You’re still awake?”

    “No- I think I was asleep. But I’m better now. Wanna return the favor, Os.” Ed could feel Oswald lying above him but under him, his head over Oswald’s heart, so he boldly skimmed his hand lower making his intentions clear.

    “Ed, no, it’s ok. You’re drunk. I’m drunk. It’s fine- another time.”

     “I mean I am, and you are, that’s true. But I feel a lot better.”

    “Yeah that would be the bread and water I gave you. God, you’re such a lightweight.”  He chuckled fondly, which made Ed feel better. He wasn’t mad at Ed, he didn’t mind taking care of him. Ed felt like he was maybe flying or possibly falling off a cliff. But, that’s pretty much how being around Oswald always felt anymore.

    “I really really want this, Os. But if you say no then-“

    Oswald’s breath hitched, decision made. “Fuck. I _do_ want it, Ed. Are- are you sure you’re good?”

    Ed was, so he nodded. But then he remembered they were still in a completely dark room. “Yeah I am. I promise. Please?”

    Oswald didn’t say no that time. Let Ed trail his hands along Oswald’s chest to undress him from the waist down. Let him follow those hands with his mouth. And when he came, it was with Ed’s name on his lips and his hands buried in Ed’s hair.

    In the morning, Ed gloated about being able to swallow when Oswald couldn’t. Oswald hit him playfully on the arm and rolled his eyes, but couldn’t quite manage to stay mad long enough to refrain from laughing at Ed’s realization that he’d ruined the only clothes he’d brought with him that night by coming in his own jeans as he went down on Oswald.

* * *

    Kristen accosted Ed on his way to English class the following Monday at school.

    “Kristen! What are you doing here? Don’t you have Spanish right now on the other side of-”

    “Yeah, I do. And I’m skipping it, this is more important.”

    “Wh-”, but she was already grabbing his wrist, dragging him in the entirely wrong direction, “Hey, stop! I’m gonna be late!”

    “Oh, cannit, Ed. You can play hooky from one class in your life. Your GPA will, in fact, survive it.” Her tone left no room for discussion, so Ed dropped it. He had played hooky before, from a whole day of school even. But it was only the once and only really because Oswald had insisted. He didn't believe Ed would go through with it, Ed didn’t even really believe he would himself, but he had done it. Oswald had thought it would be the perfect way to spend Ed’s 15th birthday. So they had stayed home from school, hiding in Ed’s bedroom as Ed’s father had gone to work, to watch horror movies and eat candy and Slim Jim's all day. It remained one of Ed’s fondest memories.

    Ed recognized immediately where Kristen was taking him; their school’s theatre. They were much more privileged than the other public schools in the area, in that rather than having to use their gym as a make-shift stage whenever productions rolled around, they had their own theatre and a fairly impressive drama department. Apparently, some 1940’s starlet had attended Gotham High in her heydays and had funded the theatre program there in order to ‘cultivate a love  for the stage in the youth’ or something. Regardless, it was Kristen's favorite place in the world.

    Kristen had been the first in their tiny band of friends to really know what she was going to pursue in life. It had shocked Ed at first, to learn that someone he had so admired for their scientific brain was actually far more interested in the arts. But, that was so very like Kristen. Constantly teaching Ed to subvert his expectations. She had been in every production possible thus far in their high school careers; those she wasn’t cast in, she always volunteered to work on backstage. Theatre was her lifeblood, thus, the theatre was her sacred space. If she was taking Ed there, then obviously whatever she wanted to discuss with him was of the utmost importance.

    Kristen lead him backstage, straight up to a ladder beside the dressing rooms which lead to a grid above the flyspace. It was a secluded area that few knew about, and a place Kristen was notorious for disappearing to when she needed to be alone or wanted to skip class. It was brilliant, really. Very few members of the faculty even knew the spot existed, and those who did never bothered to check it during the day. Ed took some small relief in knowing that at least they would almost certainly not be getting caught skipping. It was always preferable to him, avoiding unnecessary trouble.

    Once up in the grid, Kristen sat criss-cross applesauce and signaled for Ed to sit across from her. He did, obviously. They’d come this far, after all.

     “Eddie, I’m worried about you. It’s clear to me now that whatever that kiss was between you and Oswald, it’s still going on. And you heavily implied that any feelings between you two remained one-sided the last time we talked about this, so I need to know: What the fuck is going on between you and Oswald Cobblepot?”

     Ed should have prepared himself better for these inevitable questions after the night at Barbara’s. Wishful thinking, he figured, lead him to hope that maybe Kristen had been drunk enough to forget what she’d seen between Ed and Os. Clearly, though, his luck wasn’t that spectacular.

     “Oswald and I have been having sex. Platonically.”

     “Ed, that’s not a thing. But holy _shit_ , you guys fucked?!”

     Ed couldn’t help his smile, his laughter, because yes; they actually _had_. “I know. I almost can’t believe it myself- wouldn’t, if I hadn't been there for it all!”

     “But there’s no way- like, how are you guys even doing that without any feelings being involved?”

     “Well, I mean, you were right; that’s not the case for me. Oswald? I really don’t know. When he proposed the idea-”

     “Wait, _he_ was the one to suggest you guys bang?”

     “What, did you think that _I_ would have the balls to suggest that? Kris, I’ve loved him most of my life and never told him. There’s no way I’d ever be bold enough to suggest we sleep with each other ‘just to get the first time out of the way’.”

     “So that was the proposition then, huh?” She looks at him with obvious pity, “Just one time, to get rid of your virginities.” It’s clear that she’s holding back, still baffled as to why Ed would do something so obviously against his own best interests. Ed kinda loves her for that- her ability to reign in her judgement at least long enough to try to comfort him whenever he fucks up.

     “Well, sorta. More like an ongoing one time, to get all of our firsts out of the way.”

     “Ok. So Oswald’s asking you to be his fuck buddy, then? It’s a ‘friends with benefits’ deal, yeah?”

     Which- yes. That was it exactly. Somehow Ed hadn’t put that together, was lost and a little confused in all of this and what would and wouldn’t be considered a ‘first’ and, thus, acceptable. But the terminology Kristen so quickly labeled their confusing situation with had made everything a lot more...clear. Not less painful or better for Ed, but much less of a headache in terms of social norms at least.

     “I guess that’s it, yeah. We don’t really… Well, we don’t really talk about what we’re doing. Aside from what we do and don’t like, in the moment.” Ed blushes, embarrassed to be even vaguely talking so candidly about his sex life with one of his closest friends.

     “So you’re telling me that, aside from consent and, like, kinks or whatever;” She waved her hand flippantly in the air, almost as if to brush that last comment away entirely, “this whole thing has just been happening without ever once discussing it or how it makes either of you feel?”

     “Well, essentially...Yes.”

     Kristen rolls her eyes, “Men. God, you’re all morons. Eddie, this is _bad_ ,” and her tone shifts from fond exasperation to legitimate concern, “I know you think you’ll be okay, or that this is the best you’ll ever get or whatever, but I’m really worried about you. I know you, honey, and I know that this won’t end well for you. Maybe not for either of you.”

     Ed knows she’s right. Most of what she’s saying had already occurred to him well before he even really said yes, in the split second between Oswald making his offer and Ed's assent. He sighs, “I know. You’re right, about all of it. I know that.”

     “Then _why_? Why put yourself through all of this pain? Is he really that good in bed?” She tries to joke, but it falls flat. Their discussion had already gone to a place too serious, too vulnerable for the comfort of comedy.

     “I don’t know. It’s just...It’s _him_ , y’know? It’s Oswald, Kris.” Ed is suddenly terrified of what he’s going to admit next. It’s a thought he’s never given voice to until now, “I really think I would give him anything, let him do anything, get away with it. I would be helpless, no matter what he does. I’m always going to love him.”

     Kristen looks absolutely crushed. “Ed, you can’t just talk like that. That kind of mentality could get you stuck in a really awful situation, unable to leave.” Ed knows what she’s alluding to, it’s a fear he’s had himself. Were it not for the fact that Oswald would never, _ever_ knowingly hurt or be maliciously cruel to Ed, he might even be just as worried as her.

     “I know. But, Kristen, it’s not...he’s not some monster. He’s my best friend. He just… doesn’t know, can’t see that I’m in love with him. He's never seen it, because if he had he never would have even suggested we do this in the first place. Because he knows it would hurt me. Oswald would _never_ hurt me.”

     “Are you sure about that, Ed? I don’t mean to insult your intelligence, or imply that Os is _trying_ to hurt you, I just...Well, it _is_ kinda obvious how you feel about him,” She says cautiously, bracing herself for some explosion from Ed that never comes.

     “To you, maybe. But Oswald’s not- he’s always looked after me. Protected me. Like I'm his kid brother or some shit. I don’t know how to explain it, I just know that he doesn’t see how I feel about him like you do. He’s never seen me like that.” She looks unconvinced, but Ed’s misery is so apparent and certainty so final that she doesn’t press the matter further.

     “I hope that’s true. I really, really do. For your sake _and_ his, because I promise you this, Edward Nygma; when Oswald hurts you, it will become my personal life’s mission to destroy him.” Ed laughs, tension broken. Kristen laughs, too, eventually. It takes long enough that Ed wonders if she was maybe a little bit more serious in her promise than he’d initially thought.

     They leave the real truth, the crux of the matter, unspoken. They both know it’s true, but won’t dare voice it fully. Oswald will hurt Ed. It’s not an if, but a when. Surely it will be unintentional, but it will happen. And it will break Ed. For now, though, Ed feels some hope. When all is said and done; he still has Kristen. Still has someone willing to weather the shit-storm with him whenever it hits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> psh how DARE you accuse me of cutting class to hang in the grid w my friends in high school i would NEVER


	8. i think it's you that's lost all of the meaning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little nsfw and also hello how goes it yes i know its been a minute yes i work every day yes im tired wbk
> 
> also my birthday is in three days just so you all know june 27th mark it in ur calendars to wish me a hbd

      Everything changes after Ed's talk with Kristen. He and Oswald drop all pretenses of sleeping with each other “just for practice”, and begin fucking like rabbits. Ed knows Kristen’s goal was to put an end to his... _situation_ with Oswald, but her words seem to have the opposite effect. Now that he knows what they are, ‘friends with benefits’, without ever having to confront Oswald about it; things get easier. It explains why Oswald had continued to want Ed, to pursue him. There’s a difference between lust and love, and now that Ed can see that, he understands Os perfectly. Does it hurt? Tremendously. But at least it makes sense, so Ed stupidly gives in to it and just enjoys it for what it is. And what it is, is _very_ good sex. 

     He and Oswald continue to not talk about their feelings, or lack there of,  but now he had Kristen to vent to about it all. She could call Ed a dumbass, Ed could agree and still go back to Oswald day after day, and Oswald could still remain none the wiser. It was nice, this sort of stasis Ed had achieved. It’s good. 

      He’s lying in bed with Oswald one day, still panting and a little sweaty, when a brilliant idea strikes him. 

      “You know, my dad said I could use my grandpa's cabin on the lake for the week of spring break. We should go- have a memorable last spring break together before graduation.”

     When Ed’s father had first offered him the cabin for the week, he’d mostly written it off. Him and Oswald had a tradition of never really doing anything for their spring breaks, aside from occasionally drinking with their friends. But now that they were… _something,_ it felt like as good a time as any to actually do something a bit more grand with their time off. And if the thought crossed Ed’s mind that a romantic week spent in each other’s arms in a secluded cabin might be the perfect place for Oswald to finally fall for Ed, well. That was nobody’s business but his own. 

     “Yes! Ed, you’re brilliant!” Oswald exclaimed, jumping out of Ed’s bed. For a moment, Ed can’t really believe how excited Os is. But, as always- “I’ll text the gang, have them get some sleeping bags and shit. This is _perfect_ , just the kinda thing we all need before we part ways in the fall.”

     Ed should have foreseen Oswald’s assumption, because honestly it seemed fairly obvious. Why would it be just the two of them? They were just friends after all, so why not invite the rest of their just friends along as well? Ed sighs, forced to go along with the plan now to save himself the embarrassment of explaining his real intentions to Oswald. He makes a quick mental note to call his grandfather as soon as possible to verify that a whole gaggle of teenagers invading his vacation home for a week would be acceptable. _Oops._

But it’s really not so terrible an idea, once Ed gets over the initial disappointment of not having a whole week alone with Oswald. He truly loves his friends, and Os is right. It will be good; having one big, final hurrah together before life gets in the way and they all inevitably drift apart. Their grand finale, so to speak.

     Even though Oswald is the one to actually invite the gang via their group chat (which Barbara continually refuses to let Ed be a part of), they all RSVP individually to Ed. Even Barbara herself shoots Ed a quick text saying she would be in attendance, and that securing them a week at a cabin all to themselves made Ed less of an “insufferably annoying nerd” in her eyes. Or something along those lines. Ed really just remembers having been vaguely offended by her words, but it _was_ Barbara he was talking to, after all. That much was to be expected. 

     He makes a snap choice to tell his friends to arrive a few hours later than he will be getting to the cabin. In the week leading up to their spring break, he’d been too chicken to actually reach out to his grandfather to ask about the change of guests attending from two to about ten. And since his grandfather was expecting to meet him early to give him the keys to the place and go over any other things Ed may need to know for the week, Ed decided that, well. Better late than never to drop the bomb on him.

     He tells himself that he’s really just being ridiculous, though, as he drives up the long path to secluded grove the cabin sits in. Edward's grandpa was the kind of man that children on the street would often legitimately convince themselves could be Santa Claus, and not just because of his white beard. He was a pleasant, cheerful man; almost always caught somewhere between a smile and a belly laugh. Ed couldn’t recall a single time in his life that he’d seen his grandfather legitimately angry, and in fact felt positive that even inviting all of his friends to the cabin for a week of partying would barely phase the man. So, rather than trying to concoct some alternative story as to why there would be a large difference in the amount of people Ed had initially said might be attending their week long stay, he decided that telling the truth would be the simplest and easiest way to go about this. 

     “Hey, kiddo!” Dan Nygma shouted, greeting Ed with a smile and a wave the moment he stepped out of his car. 

     “Grandpa!” Ed felt a bit like a child, running up to be enveloped in a warm hug. But he couldn’t help it, sometimes it was just immensely comforting to be held like a kid again, if only momentarily.

     “So, what’s new?” Dan asked, leading Ed towards the cabin. 

     “Not much,” Ed replied, glossing over the fact that since the last time he had spoken to his grandpa over Christmas break his life had actually changed more drastically than in the entire seventeen years prior. “There was one minor thing I wanted to discuss with you, though.” 

     Dan set upon the task of making a pot of coffee for them immediately upon entering the cabin, a clear enough indicator to Ed that he was still listening but choosing to keep busy at the same time. “I know you told me- or, dad told me, really- that Oswald and I could use the cabin for the week, but how mad would you be if I said I invited a few more friends to stay as well?” 

      That earns him a smile, all mirth and mischief, “Well, I think we can make that work. There gonna be enough room here for all of ‘em?” 

     Ed chuckles, “Yeah, don’t worry. I haven’t become _that_ popular overnight. It’s just a handful of us.” 

     “Anymore I don’t know _what_ goes on in your life, kid. Only that ‘at Oswald kid never seems to leave your side for too long, anyhow.” He smiles something soft and knowing, and it makes Ed a little queasy to think his grandpa might suspect anything is going on between him and Oswald, so Ed laughs it off like some kind of joke and immediately switches subjects. 

     “So, it’s alright, then? And- you won’t tell dad?” Ed particularly relates to the old adage that whenever your parents say no, ask your grandparents. His father wasn’t a mean man, exactly. Just a strict and fairly protective one, which Ed could appreciate as well as be annoyed by. Keeping him out of this would just be simpler for Ed, less of a headache and less chance of getting grounded over one harmless week. 

     His grandfather ‘hms’ and ‘hahs’ a bit before settling on, “I think we can keep it between us. Just as long as yinz can promise no drinking and driving, and nothin’ too serious. Stay safe and all ‘at.” 

     Ed makes the promise easily, knowing that he would have enforced the same rules anyways, regardless of his grandpa’s stipulations. They chat a bit more, about school and college plans and all the usual things families feel compelled to discuss when reuniting after some time apart. Before he leaves, Dan gives Ed one last long hug, muttering a quick, “Just look out for yourself, ok, kiddo?” Ed nods, and his grandpa departs in his large, grey pickup truck. It makes Ed a little sad sometimes, knowing he would never quite be the ‘man’s man’ he thinks his dad and grandpa secretly wished he was, the kind of men they were. They’d never loved him any less for it, Ed knew that much, but still. It’s an odd sense of nostalgia for memories that never had or would exist; fishing and hunting trips, baseball games and bonding over the wiles of women. Ed tries to abandon that train of thought to focus on the exciting week ahead of him, but the lingering feeling of being some sort of disappointment never truly leaves him. 

     The hours fly by and before Ed knows it, the tell tale sounds of cars approaching pulls him away from his melancholy. Everyone, apparently, had decided to carpool; the twins with Lucius, Dent with Jim, Lee, and Barbara, and Oswald with Ivy in Ecco’s soccer mom minivan. Apparently they had all unanimously, and unbeknownst to Ed, decided that the first item on their docket would be swimming in the lake. Everyone arrived in swimsuits, quickly unloading their respective cars to make a mad dash for the water. Ed was, understandably, a little confused. It was only the end of March, winter’s last snow having just melted but threatening to return. Ed was still wearing a winter coat! Yet his friends had seemingly convinced themselves that they were already in the summer months, and though they all complained about the frigid waters, refused to get out until it was nearing dinner time. 

     Ed decided to forego swimming, instead making a hearty meal for the gang. It felt like a dinner for breakfast kind of night, and this was proven correct by his friend’s elated expressions at the piles of eggs, bacon, and French toast he had waiting for them as the sun began to set. It was then decided that Jim, the resident Eagle Scout, would build a fire for them to all sit around making s’mores and getting plastered. It wasn’t until they were all fairly drunk that Ed heard another car approaching the cabin. His gut instinct was to panic, assuming that it was his father having somehow found out about their secret party week and making the trip out to break up the shenanigans. Just as he was preparing to tell all of his friends to scatter, a voice yelled out to them from the darkness.

     “Yo, where the fuck is everyone?”

     “Victor!” Lee screamed, jumping up from her camping chair to run into the darkness in the vague direction from which the voice had come.

     And that, well, _that_ threw Ed. He didn’t remember inviting Lee’s best friend, one Victor Zsasz. He was also fairly certain that no one else in the group knew Zsasz was coming, judging by their surprised expressions, which debunked Ed’s working theory that somehow Zsasz had been added to their secret group chat. Lee returned moments later, arm in arm with Zsasz. 

     Victor Zsasz was not only someone Ed seldom interacted with, but in fact a person he actively avoided. The two of them were from just about the most opposite ends of Gotham High's social food-chain as was physically possible. Neither of them were exactly popular or unpopular, but Zsasz’s isolation was entirely his own choice. People _loved_ Zsasz, and they hated Ed. Zsasz never really tried very hard at anything, yet maintained a flawless GPA and an impressive social reputation. It made Ed sick, thinking of all the classes he busted his ass in that Victor had practically slept through only to end up with almost the exact same grade. Zsasz has also been, at times, an object of Oswald’s desire, which definitely didn’t help diminish Ed’s lingering grudge against him. 

     But, at present, Ed was drunk. He was sitting with the love of his life and his closest friends, enjoying a campfire at his family cabin. He was happy. All that meant that it was fairly hard to be annoyed at Victor’s uninvited arrival, and, in fact, in no time at all he was smiling and laughing along with everyone else who’d gladly welcomed Zsasz into the festivities. He even almost found himself tuning out the flirtatious way Zsasz and Oswald were interacting with each other. Almost. 

     The night wound down slowly and contentedly. There was only one master bedroom in the cabin, so everyone had just brought sleeping bags to stay together in the spacious living room. There had been talk of taking turns, certain pairs getting the bedroom certain nights, but for the most part no one actually seemed too bothered by just staying together so that matter had been dropped early on. Meaning the room was open, which Ed intended to change. As the others began making their sleepy ways to their respective floor spaces, Ed ushered Oswald towards the hallway leading to the bedroom. 

     “Oh, hey!” came an annoyingly eager voice from behind them, “Slumber party! Count me _in_!” Victor clasped a hand around Ed and Oswald’s shoulders, effectively wedging himself between the pair.

     “Well, yes, except there’s only room for _two_ , so-"

     “Ed, don’t be rude.” Oswald interrupted, “it’s a king sized mattress, we can fit. And Victor came late, I really doubt he had the foresight to bring a sleeping bag.” 

     Victor snapped his fingers, pointing at Oswald, “That would be correct. So, whaddya say, Nygma? You wanna be the meat in this sexy little sandwich? or how bout I just spoon you to sleep?” Zsasz waggled his eyebrows, or lack thereof, salaciously. 

      " _No,_ thank you.” Ed replied, shuddering involuntarily.

     “Suit yourself.” Zsasz shrugged, turning again to face Os, “So just us in the bed, then?”

     Oswald smiled coyly, and Ed’s heart dropped. “No, that’s not what I-"

     “Hey make up your mind, Nygma! Either you want me or you don’t.”

     “Ed, please, it’s late.” Oswald said, stopping just short of the door to the bedroom, “I’m about ready to pass out standing up. Do you want to stay in the bedroom with me and Victor or not?”

     Ed could tell Oswald was being sincere, his eyes already drooping shut every few seconds adorably. And, with a sigh, he decided this was a battle he’d already lost. He shuffled miserably back to the main room, defeated, silently setting up his own spare sleeping bag and avoiding the whispered conversations of his friends around him. He took some small comfort in the knowledge that Oswald really did seem to be too tired to do anything other than sleep. That didn’t stop him from staying up half the night, though, fuming over Victor fucking Zsasz and the way he made Oswald’s face light up. 

* * *

     Ed arose early, still agitated by the events of the night before. He hadn’t slept well, so he blamed his next actions on that. A lack of sleep and the grumpiness that came with it, nothing more. 

     The noises of shuffling coming from the bedroom pushed Ed into action. Likely Zsasz and Oswald had been forced awake by the particularly loud shout of Ivy clobbering Jim. Ed had heard her wake up after the sound of a wrapper crumpling came from Jim’s area of the floor. It was apparently a high offense to be sneaking food, pop-tarts most especially, away from Ivy’s clutches and she responded to the betrayal with the full force of her pillow to the side of Jim’s head. Of course this prompted the others to wake up, caught in the crossfire, and join the feud. It was just the kind of chaotic distraction Ed needed to rise and slip down the hallway unnoticed, and he sent a silent prayer of thanks to Ivy for it.

     Zsasz immediately bolted into the center of the fight, loving the mayhem, and didn’t notice Ed shoving Oswald into the bathroom down the hall.

     “Ed, what-" But he was on him in a second, kissing with a bruising force and desperate need. It took Oswald longer than usual to respond, but eventually he got with the program, fighting to take some control back. Ed refused to let up, though, shifting their usual dynamic. He felt Oswald react, shocked. Heard it in the way his whimpers grew more desperate, allowing Ed to take charge, just this once. 

     Ed was rough and merciless, shoving both of their pants and briefs down just enough to expose them. He spared no time for thought, taking them both in hand and stroking fast and hard. Oswald burrowed his head in the crook of Ed’s neck, helpless to do more than mutter the occasional “ah, fuck” or “Ed, _please”._ Having so much control, so much _power_ over Oswald had a heady effect on Ed, and before he knew it he was coming between them, half on his own hand and half on Oswald’s still straining length. Without pausing for breath, he continued to pump Oswald using his own release to slick the way. Oswald groaned obscenely, desperate and panting and _ravaged._ It only took a few more strokes and he, too, was spilling between them; adding to the mess. 

     Ed didn't know what compelled him to do it, but in a flash he brought his own hand, sullied with their mutual satisfaction, to his lips and sucked two fingers into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks as he went. He knew what it must look like, how entirely debauched he appeared in that moment, the effect it would have on Oswald to see Ed so shameless. It’s probably why he did it, really.

     “Holy fucking _Christ,_ Ed,” Oswald gasped, still a little out of breath, “are you trying to kill me?!”

     Ed smiled brightly down at him, “No, I just wanted to remind you what I bring to the table. What I can offer you that Zsasz can’t.” He's almost positive that’s not true, Zsasz is almost definitely insanely kinky as well as far more experienced. But he hopes his delivery, the false confidence and bravado in his tone, are enough for Oswald to believe him. 

     Oswald looks at him, studying his face intensely. There’s confusion and apprehension in his eyes, but in a moment it’s gone and he’s cleaning them both up. They re-emerge to a much more peaceful scene-  Zsasz having made a quick breakfast of apparently just toast to calm the hoard of hangry teens. Ed feels much more at ease, knowing that he’s still, for now at least, the only one who gets to have Oswald like that. It helps him settle back into vacation mode with his friends, stops his jealousy from ruining the entire trip for him. 

     Though, the calm barely lasts. The next few days consist of Oswald and Zsasz getting closer and closer to- _something._ Ed doesn’t know what, doesn’t want it to ever become realized to the point where they would know succinctly how to define it. It also reminds him too much of himself and Oswald and their shared _something_ , which makes him absolutely _despise_ Victor. Kristen, still the only one of their friends in the know, picks up immediately on Ed’s ire and dutifully distracts him every time Zsasz pulls Oswald just a little too close or Oswald finds some excuse to put his hands all over Victor. Ed’s grateful, so fucking grateful, that she looks out for him while resisting the urge to say _I told you so._

     Ed’s only rebuttal is to attack Oswald, every chance he thinks he can get away with without alerting the others to their _something._ Os, however, doesn’t seem to appreciate Ed’s tactics for the offensive moves he means them to be. He moans into every rough kiss, swears as Ed prompts Os to pull his hair and fuck his face while he blows Oswald, _keens_ when Ed finally secures a night in the bedroom alone with Oswald and uses that time to ride him, quick and dirty. 

     After he rolls off of Os, he’s startled to hear Oswald chuckling a little to himself. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, Ed, but I have to admit I’m _very_ into it. Before, that was great and all, but this week? _God_ , you’re so hot when you’re all worked up and angry and shit.”

     Ed can’t find it in himself to respond, so he rolls over and feigns sleep. And, for the first time since they’d started everything in February, the space between them on the bed that night seems to grow and grow until Ed feels like he’s drowning in the miles between himself and Oswald. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look i know these seems like just a BUCKWILD time to throw an OC in the mix but hear me out:
> 
> 1) giving ed a happy family backstory is why i was put on this plant we really dont gotta be out here romanticizing child abuse to make a tragic story ok sometimes all you need is teen angst  
> 2) i have this manager at work who is, you guessed it, named dan. i love that guy. whenever im working in the really boring, never busy area of the store im generally writing (this fic) on pen and paper and he kinda clowns me about it alot like "hows the book comin, kiddo?" and one time he was like "make sure when you publish it that you put me in it! and spell my name right! D A N!" and i know he really wasnt intending to be part of a gay porn on ao3 but he did ask so,,,,


	9. i dream while looking at you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is for Shosh, my best friend and the most whole person ive ever met 💛

    Lucius Fox was, above all else, smart. Not one single person in his life had ever defined him as ‘stupid’, or any subsequent variation of the word. He also liked to think that, being as well read as he was, reading others was easy for him. Which, was mostly true. The one exception being when the people around him were acting illogically.

     Enter: Harvey Dent. For years, Harvey had acted in a totally logical, if frustratingly endearing, manner around Lucius. He was kind, but in the polite way that very clearly signaled “friendship” and nothing more. He never took advantage of Lucius’ brain, even when everyone else in their band of friends grew to just expect that Lucius would allow them to copy his homework or whatever work they hadn’t felt like accomplishing the night before. He wasn’t even like Ed or Lee or Kirsten, who used his brains as a personal milestone they constantly competitively attempted to pass. Harvey never referred to Lucius as bland or boring for never being interested in activities outside of school, and didn’t judge when Lucius went a little overboard the first time he drank, ending the night puking in Ecco’s mini-van. Most of all, he didn’t care at all, not even a little bit, when Lucius had quietly admitted to Harvey, Jim, and Lee- his most trustworthy friends- that, yes, he still felt a romantic kind of love or attraction to others, but that was where feelings ended for him. And when Ivy joined their little family of friends, proudly declaring herself to be asexual, Harvey never once made Lucius feel like it was his duty to own his asexuality as loudly as she did, didn't care that Lucius never ended up ever telling the rest of their friends he was ace.

    But that’s where their connection ended. Harvey was his friend, close but never nearly the worrying codependency of Ed and Os, and he certainly wasn’t anything more. And that was perfectly fine with Lucius. He knew Harvey had had a few flings, because apparently what happened at out-of-state forensics competitions stayed at out-of-state forensics competitions, and he was never afraid to flaunt his attractions. He was proud in work, friends, and love; always boasting his achievements in all three categories but possibly most of all boasting his rather numerous sexual encounters. It was clear that, had Harvey ever had any romantic connection lacking sex, he would have boasted it just as loudly. But that, apparently, was just not something Harvey Dent was interested in. Through all of this, though, he remained annoyingly kind. Thus, Lucius knew that were he to ever admit that occasionally his thoughts about them, together, shifted into curiosity over a possible romantic attachment, Harvey would no doubt reject him in a gentle yet thorough manner. Harvey Dent had flings, not relationships. Lucius Fox had crushes, never sex. Two pieces, logically drawn together for a multitude of reasons they _could_ fit together, but ultimately damned never to actually join up due to a difference in the one thing that really mattered.

    Which was why Lucius was, understandably, more than a little confused when Harvey flipped the script entirely sometime during their junior year of high school. Dent began, for lack of a better term, throwing himself at Lucius. He was flirty and touchy and almost unrecognizable from the polite and at times reserved Harvey that Lucius had previously come to lo- _admire._

    For maybe one breathtaking week, Lucius entertained the idea that maybe it was real, that it was possible Harvey Dent had actually developed romantic feelings for Lucius. That hypothesis, though, was very easily and spectacularly trumped by the much more likely option. Harvey was, for some unknown reason, making a _joke_ out of his flirtation with Lucius. It was, really, the most reasonable explanation for completely unreasonable behavior. Lucius felt certain that he’d hid his attraction to Harvey well enough that no one had any clue it even existed, making Harvey’s odd joke totally uncruel in his own eyes. Maybe Harvey figured even just the thought of it was humorous, the idea of them together. That would be logical. Their… _incompatibility_ would make for a rather hilarious attempt at a relationship. Even more hilarious if one of them had the misfortune of developing real feelings for the other. Or perhaps Harvey just enjoyed watching Lucius squirm, uncomfortable for reasons Harvey assumed to be just ineptitude at relationships but which truly ran much deeper. Whatever the case, it certainly held that Harvey pulling some elaborate and strange ruse of feigned interest in him was far more logical than him ever potentially having real feelings for Lucius.

    Because Lucius was cold, detached, _broken._ He was never going to be able to give Harvey what he wanted, not really. So; Occam's Razor. It was all a joke, nothing more.

    With the end of their senior year in sight, Lucius simply continued on handling Harvey’s act the same way he had been for over a year. Cold, detached, stone-faced. It helped the little joke, right? Harvey with his big, sensual displays and Lucius; the oblivious and calculating nerd, so smart in all ways except matters of the heart. They were like a traveling dumb show, though few ever stopped to laugh. A perfect yin and yang, one made of love and the other lacking heart. Life and death. Hilarious, really.

     But that indifference was only built to last so long; and when Harvey crossed a line too hurtful to accept on an unimportant night in the cramped circle of Jim Gordon’s basement, something inside of Lucius snapped.

     “Oh Jesus, _still?!_ That is a fucking _crime,_ man. You’re way too gorgeous to still be un-kissed.”

     It hurts Lucius more than it should. It’s just...cruel, even if Dent remains unaware of Lucius’ feelings for him. Because if this is all a joke- and it _is,_ of that Lucius feels certain- then that means Dent thinks even the idea of Lucius kissing someone is funny. A joke. He doesn’t get Lucius or his sexuality at all, when all this time Lucius had been convinced the one person who actually _got_ him was Harvey. It’s so jarring it inspires Lucius to draw back even further into himself, drink himself nearly blind that night and pass out inelegantly on Jim Gordon’s couch. He stops talking to Harvey at school, events with their friends, school activities- ignores him indefinitely.

    Harvey gets desperate, even pleading in his attempts to interact with Lucius. But he refuses to budge, hurt and confused and so _over_ this fucking joke that never even made sense to him from the get go. They’re subtle, though. Unlike Ed and his hopeless crush on Oswald, he knows the turmoil between him and Harvey goes undetected. No one even notices when Harvey corners him at Barbara’s, pulling him aside as the rest of their friends run off to the various corners of her parent’s mansion to drink like it’s their last day alive.

    “Foxy, why are you so mad at me? What did I do?” He's only just barely tipsy, but Lucius knows that Harvey had only gotten up the guts to approach him aided by some liquid courage. It soothes him, knowing he’s made himself someone Dent is finally worried about upsetting.

    “You went too far with this, Dent.”

    Harvey’s face falls, crushed. _Good,_ Lucius thinks smugly, _he deserves to feel like an asshole for hurting me._ “I’m sorry, Lucius. Won’t happen anymore, I promise.”

    And it doesn’t. Harvey avoids him for the rest of the night, mostly focusing his attentions on getting wasted and belting Cher, apparently. That doesn’t concern Lucius, though. He’d dealt with the problem, things were good now. Great, even. They could go back to their normal, polite friendship. Nothing more. He thinks he should be elated, tells himself that he is even when his heart beats a dull and hollow rhythm in his chest. Happiness, it appears, feels a whole lot more like heartbreak than Lucius ever expected it to.

     Lucius only wallows in his idiotic self pity for a week or two before he decides to actually to do something to fix it. It’s at the cabin, over spring break, that he finally makes his move. They’ve been there for a few days, and mostly everyone has done a good job of tuning out Ed and Oswald’s little drama in favor of enjoying the carelessness of a week sans school. Everyone else is inside, making sandwiches for lunch, when Lucius notices Harvey slip outside, alone. It’s a perfect opportunity to confront him, to end whatever tension was still remaining and holding Lucius’ anxieties hostage, so he follows Dent outside totally unnoticed by the others.

    “Dent. We need to talk.” Harvey jumps a little, clearly surprised at being followed.

    “Oh, hey, Foxy!” He tries to sound casual but misses the mark by about a mile. Lucius doesn’t call him on it. “What’s up?”

    “Look, we’re both too smart to waste any more time playing dumb with each other. You know and I know that something is… off. Between us. I want that fixed because I miss having you in my life.”

    Harvey deflates a little, looking too old and weary for his 18 years. “Look, I’m working on it, okay? It’s hard. I don’t know if you know this but it’s not like feelings can just be magically wished away at the drop of a hat. I’m sorry, Lucius. I wanna save our friendship too, but I need some space to heal.”

    Well, that certainly hadn’t been what he was expecting. “What are you talking about? What _feelings?”_ It dawns on Lucius, suddenly, that just maybe he’s gotten everything horribly wrong here, even after hours of meticulous speculating and hypothesizing on the situation at hand. “Oh, shit. I believe we have incredibly misunderstood each other.”

    “I kinda find that hard to believe.” Harvey scoffs, “You’re the most blunt guy I’ve ever met. And the smartest. And since I _really_ wasn’t being subtle, I think we get each other completely.” He sighs a little, and Lucius regrets everything he’s ever said or done that lead to Harvey Dent looking so small and wounded, “It’s ok, you don’t need to feel bad about it. I will get over it, I just need some time is all.”

     “Harvey, there’s nothing to get over. There’s nothing even-" Lucius lets out a frustrated little noise, “What is _happening_ here?! We’re supposed to be the ones with everything figured out, not falling into stupid relationship drama like Ed and Os!”

    Harvey chuckles a little at that. “God, I can promise you one thing: neither of us are nearly as blind or idiotic as Ed. I almost feel bad for the guy, he _really_ doesn’t think every last one of us knows about their weird semi-fuckbuddy thing. As if it weren’t completely obvious.”

    “I’d like to think that maybe at least Oswald is a little smarter, knows that we all know… then again, he was stupid enough to start this with the guy so clearly madly in love with him, so.”

    They share a knowing little smirk, and Harvey nods his head with a hum. “You know, I think maybe the only person in all of Gotham more obvious about their gigantic crush than I am is Ed Nygma.”

    That reminds Lucius why they’re out here, reminds him of the mess he’s somehow made. “Wait, about that-" Harvey flinches a little, clearly mentally berating himself a bit for bringing attention back to the topic he’d just carefully directed their conversation away from. “I’m lost. Look; last year, you started… flirting, or something, with me, I think? And I just, well, it just seemed like the only logical explanation for that behavior would be if it was all a ruse. A joke. I mean, you know about me- about my- well, you _know,_ so you couldn’t possibly-"

    “Stop.” Harvey’s face is stern, flames in his eyes that distract Lucius for a moment, “what, _exactly,_ do I know about you?”

    He looks at Dent skeptically, desperately hoping he won’t force Lucius to spell it out for him.

    “No, I need an actual answer, Lucius. Use your fucking words. Because from my perspective, the only things I _know_ about you are that you are brilliant and kind and funny and loving and secretly this wonderfully vulnerable person who tries to hide it all but cares too deeply to ever really feign indifference. Even though you act like you’re made of stone, you’re all heart. I know you see everything, when no one else is looking, and that you will one day do great, world changing things. And absolutely none of those qualities would ever prevent me from falling for you, so please. Explain.” It’s a startling contrast; Dent’s sweet words and the fierce conviction of his tone. Lucius loves that about him- his constant dichotomy, two sides of the same beautiful coin.

    “Harvey, you know what I’m referring to. My… _attractions_ aren’t the same as yours. We would never work, I figured you already saw that.”

    Harvey looks at him, hard. He’s practically fuming now, and it’s almost terrifying. Terrifying, and confusing. _What doesn’t he get? Yin and yang. Broken and whole._ “Lucius Fox, for the smartest man in all of Gotham, you really are being an idiot right now. My 'attractions' are you. I can’t deny that I like sex, and you’re right, that won’t change.” It’s hard, hearing him agree. But Lucius knows it’s for the best, it is the truth after all. “But more than I care about sex I care about _you._ If getting to be with you means never again getting laid; so be it! You’re more important, more special, more to me than you’ll ever know. And hey! Look at Ed and Oswald. All they _do_ is fuck and it’s a mess, it’s ruined everything between them. I like to think we’re a little better than that.”

    It takes Lucius a very long time to reply, busy fending off unnecessary tears. “You don’t know what you’re giving up, though. Not really. I’m not worth all that.”

    Harvey crowds in close to him, one hand reaching out to intertwine his fingers with Lucius’. _A perfect fit._ “It’s been over a year now that I’ve held a torch for you, and that was with _nothing_ physical in return. Give me some credit here, Foxy. Look, won't you just give me a chance to prove I know what I’m saying? Or am I completely alone in this?”

    “You’re not.” Lucius sighs, tired of trying to fight off something he really, _really_ wants. “Can I-?” Harvey nods, and just like that, Lucius gives in.

    It's a simple kiss, not quite chaste but not without restraint either. And yet, it’s all Lucius has never let himself dream of. All he’d ever wanted but never really allowed himself to chase. And Dent does chase him, leans in further, begging to stay connected, even after Lucius is breaking the kiss. It’s magic.

    Harvey keeps holding his hand, smiling softly as he whispers in his ear, “What do you say we go inside, show everyone how easy this shit can be when you just _talk_ to each other?” Lucius giggles, catching himself before he goes full schoolboy-in-love, and nods. Before they leave, Harvey places a little peck on Lucius’ nose, and that’s when he knows he’s really done for. He even allows himself to think that maybe, just maybe, he was never really as broken as he’d always thought. Maybe it just took the right person to show you all the ways you’re really whole.

    And for Lucius Fox, that person was always going to be Harvey Dent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love nothing more than using an unreliable narrator only to switch perspectives to how how TRULY unreliable that narrator is 
> 
> fuck u if u came here only for nygmobs here have some of MY FAV SHIP
> 
> also, if u hate this chapter: honey you got a big storm comin cause next ch is nygmobs but,,,, oh hoho boy


	10. just a young heart confusing my mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baby im sorry (im not sorry)

    Spring break leaves a sour taste in Ed’s mouth, and after several heated conversations with Kristen, Ed realizes what he has to do. It’s time for him to end things with Oswald. It’s clear to him after that week that not only will Oswald never love him back, he is also far more interested in someone else now. Watching him with Victor...It kills Ed. He tries to ignore it, ignore the bone deep hurt, but in the days after the week at the cabin things only get worse. Victor starts sitting at their lunch table, Oswald starts texting him regularly. Kristen stops being able to hold in her “I told you so”s. That’s when Ed really knows it’s time. He’d gone into this knowing there was an expiration date on their fling, and though he’d tried to extend it as much as possible, it’s far past expired and has begun rotting away beneath him.

    The way he sees it; he can do this now, stop sleeping with Oswald before he realizes Ed’s been in love with him since they were kids, and at least salvage their friendship. He will have to learn to stomach seeing Os with Victor, and probably many others after him, which will be hell. But it will be worth it, keeping Oswald in his life. Os was always going to be worth the pain it took to keep him.

    His timing is terrible, but that’s his own fault entirely. Saturday, April 1st. He will turn 18 and break his own heart all in the span of a day.

    He wakes up to a text that morning from Oswald:

 **OC:** happy birthday, eddie! just lmk if there’s anything special u wanna do today to celebrate :)

    He knows Oswald hasn’t noticed his inner turmoil, why would he? So this will probably come as a surprise to him, but he’ll get over it. He still has Victor, after all. Won’t even notice the difference.

    Ed shoots a quick text back, asking to meet up at around 9, offering to drive over to save Oswald the walk. Oswald agrees easily, and that’s that. His fate is sealed, execution set in motion.

    He spends most of the day leading up to his inevitable doom with his father. It is his birthday, after all. They do the classic eat at your favorite restaurant, have a bunch of acne-ridden teens who look absolutely miserable because they’re working sing “Happy Birthday” to you in about twenty different keys, finish it all with cake thing. Texts come in from all of his friends wishing him to have a happy day, totally ignorant to the fact that he won’t. As he chews the last few bites of a bland sliver of funfetti cake, he wonders if anyone else in history had ever ordered birthday cake for their last meal. He thinks that maybe it is a common request on death row, but then again maybe he’s alone in his masochism.

    The rest of the evening is quiet. Unnervingly so. At 8:45 he makes his way to his car, and notices that at some point it had begun raining. The hem of his jeans are soaked with rain water from walking the green mile across his front lawn. _At the very least, it seems the sky knows the mood to set. Everyone else expects this to be a day of celebration and joy, but someone up there sees this for what it is. Last day alive. Last day in paradise._

    Not so much an execution, then, really. More a fall from grace. Lucifer, ruined by his own hubris for daring to love God too much. Ed wonders why more people don’t sympathize with Satan, wonders what it says about him that he does.

    He texts Oswald to let him know that he’s outside his apartment building, and a few minutes later he sees an intimately familiar figure half-run to his car. Os is shivering when he enters the car, shoving his fingers right against the grates to steal all the heat emitting from them.

    “God, what the fuck is with this rain? Anyways,” Oswald turns to face him, beaming, “Happy Birthday! What’s the plan? Dinner, movies, comic book store? Whatever you want, I promise I won’t even call you a nerd for scouring the shelves for that “one Superman first edition” that you _know_ they’ll never have. _And,_ since I’m the world's worst best friend and forgot to buy you a present, it’s all on me. Literally whatever you want, I’ve got you covered. So what’ll it be?”

    Ed turns, looks straight ahead at the rain hitting his windshield. Pretends that doesn’t sting a little, that Oswald’s probably barely even thought of him in the past few days. Monetary gifts don’t really matter, but not even a handmade card? Doesn’t matter, though. Not with what Ed has in mind for the evening. But he knows he won’t be able to do this if he’s looking at Os, gazing into those eyes he loves so dearly. So he stays stock still, rigid in his seat, as he faces decidedly forward and not remotely looking at Oswald. “I don’t want to go anywhere. I just want to talk to you.”

    “Oh, come on! That’s so not fair, how am I supposed to turn that into a present? Are you _trying_ to make me look like a bad friend for forgetting your gift?”

    He clearly doesn’t notice the tension in Ed’s stance, doesn’t ever really see Ed it appears. “Os, I’m serious. We need to talk.”

    “Jesus, Ed. Are you breaking up with me or something?” It’s said on a chuckle. Ironic foreshadowing.

    “Something like that, yeah.”

    The silence that accompanies that admission is deafening, louder even than the rain pounding down around them.

    “Oh.”

    “Not like, as a friend,” he hurries to make that much clear, running all the words together in half a breath. “You’re the most important person in my life, always will be. I could never lose you like that. I just think we need to stop… y’know…”

    “Fucking.” One word, simple. That’s all it ever was, then.

    “Yes. That.”

    “So, what’s the reason then? You bored or something? Or is it more than that?” Ed could feel the harsh edge to his voice, hard and unforgiving.

    “No, it’s not- I’m not _bored,_ Os, obviously it’s not that I just- Look, can you just trust me on this? It’s a bad idea for us to-“

    “Fucking look at me! Jesus, if you’re gonna end this can you at least look me in the eye while you do it?!”

    Ed didn’t want to. He knew if he did… but it‘s a fair request, so he obliges.

    Oswald was _furious,_ he’d always been shit at hiding his emotions and tonight is no exception. It makes Ed want to soothe him, and instinctively he reaches out his hand to do so, placing his palm against Oswald’s cheek. He‘s almost surprised Oswald even allows him to complete the action.

    “I’m sorry, Oswald. I am, really, it’s just- it’s not healthy for me.” Oswald’s eyes soften at that, marginally less irate.

    “Did I do something, Ed? Did I hurt you?”

    Ed pauses, unsure how to deliver the hard truth. “You didn’t mean to.” He tries hesitantly.

    Oswald looks absolutely _wrecked_ at that. “Ed, I’m sorry- please, Eddie, let me make it better.”

    And how could Ed resist an offer so sweet? All he could do was nod, small and fragile and so, _so_ breakable. Oswald tugs him closer, forcing him to straddle his lap. Tentatively, more carefully than ever before, he places a hand on each side of Ed’s face, framing him like he's something worthy of such a holy gaze. Ed knew what was coming next, knew he’d never be able to resist it even if he wanted to. Oswald leans in, kisses him, forcing Ed to forget entirely the reason he’d come here in the first place.

    It's just a soft press of lips, at first. Something delicate and sacred and _divine._ But nothing ever ended there with them, and soon enough Oswald is hungrily taking Ed apart, piece by piece, exploring every inch of his mouth as if he didn’t already know it better than anyone else on the planet ever had or would. It was surprising how easy it was, in such a cramped space, to reverse their positions. Somehow Oswald manages it without fully separating from Ed, and before he knows it Ed is lying underneath Oswald, a lap full of sin and promise just waiting to lay claim to him.

     Oswald leans back, and immediately Ed is lost. It was as though he needed him- for nourishment, to feed his soul, his heart. He loved him, had always loved him, even now when he was ruining him. He wasn’t even sure that he liked him anymore, but still he loved him. Wanted to be his.

    “Oswald, don’t, please- just stay.”

    “It’s okay, Ed. I’m gonna take care of you.” And then he's back, searing him with kisses and making him _want._ So Ed lies perfectly still, feels the harsh beating of Oswald’s heart against his chest, a heart he wants so badly to own. Could hear and feel his breath at the same time as Os whispers in his ear:

     “It’s going to be so good, Ed. So perfect. You’re _mine.”_ Ed knew that already, had always known, but still keens at the admission, the claim.

     “Anything, _anything_ you want. I’m yours.”

     And that was that. Oswald strips him, taking off his shirt and unbuckling his belt. He only gets as far as leaving Ed’s jeans and underwear crumpled around his ankles, but it's still the most bare Ed had ever felt in his presence.

    “Lube?”

     “Glove compartment.” Ed had no idea why he has some there. Shouldn’t have it, really. But with Oswald he never really knew when it would come in handy, and is especially grateful for it now. As Oswald reaches behind himself to crack open the little compartment just enough to retrieve the lubricant, Ed stares out the window beside him. They were in his car. Parked just outside the apartment Oswald shared with his mother. They were lucky that it wasn’t a busy street, saved them the embarrassment of a public indecency charge as Ed knows he's currently way too far gone to even fathom driving somewhere else at this point. The rain is still pouring down around them, reminding Ed that this was supposed to be hard, sad, an ending. But as Oswald approaches him again, fingers already slick and ready, it feels far more like a beginning.

    “Hey, I have to recline this. Need more room. Okay?” Ed nods, which seems to be all he was capable of doing tonight, and Oswald reaches for the handle at his side. Once down, Oswald wastes no time in spreading his legs, making Ed as vulnerable as he possibly could.

     It's a practiced perfection at this point, the preparation. Oswald knew just where and when to touch him, how to break him in all the right ways. Ed is a mess already, doesn’t want to wait any longer even if it means it might sting a little more. But Oswald refuses to take shortcuts.

    “I want it to feel good, baby. Wanna take you apart and make you scream, wanna see you cry at how good it feels.”

     Ed was already nearly in tears, knew Oswald would be getting exactly what he wanted from Ed.

    “ _Please_ , Os. Need you so bad.” A few more careful thrusts and Oswald hits that spot, has Ed seeing stars. No, to say he saw stars was an understatement. Ed saw fucking _planets._ “I’m ready, Os, I’m ready.”

     Finally, Oswald listens. Hikes one of Ed’s bent legs up far enough to slot himself right up next to Ed’s entrance. He only pulls his jeans down enough to free himself, not removing a single stitch of clothing. It was enough, though. All they really needed in order to proceed.

     And then he's there, inside of Ed. Where he was always meant to be.

    Ed could feel tears rushing down his cheeks, overcome with the onslaught of _love_ and _fear_ and _confusion._ It was a powerful mixture, made him feel blind and deaf and lost. But then Oswald begins to move, tiny, gentle little thrusts. It grounds him, gives him an anchor to cling to.

     “Shhhh, sweetheart, it’s okay. I’m here. I’ve got you. You’re with me, always with me.” Ed could feel the sobs slipping from his lips, couldn’t care less about controlling them. “You’re so good for me, baby. Always so good.”

    He sets a steady pace of deep and slow, deep enough that Ed could feel him more present than the air he tries desperately to suck into his aching lungs. It isn't enough, though. Oswald is everywhere, stealing the breath from his lips and making him scream out his name like a mantra. _Oswald, Oswald, Oswald!_ It's a mere word but it feels like a prayer, a string of syllables too precious to fit in his mouth, has to burst out and return to its rightful owner. And Oswald is there, each time, to accept the offering between his lips as if it were good, profound, when Ed knew nothing that could ever come from him would be good enough for Oswald.

     Oswald picks up the pace, but only marginally. Begins punching a message into him like Morse code- bursts of sharp and short then drags of long and slow. Ed can’t decipher it, has no idea how to translate it. He only knows it makes him ache, makes him want it to go on forever. Wanting more, wanting it to be _over._ It was building and building and without warning he felt the end approaching. He only had time for one last declaration, the only thing he could think to say.

     “I love you, Oswald.”

     And that was it, it was over and he was spent. Oswald kept going, thrusting into his boneless body. A husk for Oswald to use for his own personal gain. Soon, though, Oswald followed him. Graced him with a parting gift, emptying himself into Ed.

    He slumped into him, breathing raggedly. Murmured something into the crook of his neck. At first, Ed almost doesn’t catch it. Wished he’d missed it entirely.

    “I’m sorry, Ed.”

     Cold water, crashing down on him. A hard punch in the gut, a bandage being ripped off with no warning.

    “Get _off_  of me!” He practically threw Oswald into the driver seat, only able to overpower him due to Oswald’s exhausted and blissed-out state. Os looked confused, gaze still a little hazy, as Ed rushed to re-clothe himself. He threw the car door open, grateful for the cold shock of rain that pounded some sense back into him.

    “Ed, Christ! Get back in the car, it’s pouring!”

    “No, _no!_ I can’t be around you anymore Oswald, why the _fuck_ did you do that?!”

    “Ed, I’m sorry! Okay? I’m _sorry,_ just, please get back in the car. We can talk about this!” Though even as he said it, Oswald was clambering out into the rain with him, adjusting his clothing to hide their crimes.

     “ _No we can’t!_ Apparently we cannot talk about this, about _anything, ever!_ Because _that_ happens! Because I crave you like air, and you’re _sorry!”_

     Oswald looked thoroughly scolded, ashamed. Finally filled with regret at his behavior. “Edward, please. I didn’t mean it like that, I just-"

     “Yes you did! How else could you mean it?! I love you and you’re _sorry!”_

    “I hate seeing you like this, Ed. You’re scaring me.” It was almost soft, if monsters were even capable of speaking softly.

    “Kristen was right. She tried to tell me you would do this, would _hurt_ me. I wouldn’t listen. I thought you cared about me.” Ed thanked the rain for hiding his tears, but knew from the look on Oswald’s face that he could still tell Ed was crying.

    “I do, Ed. You are so important to me, maybe the most important person in my life!” He threw up his arms, an exasperated half-shrug.

    Ed leveled him with a hard stare. “But you don’t love me, right?”

    Oswald kept looking at him, maybe hoping the noise of thunder approaching on the horizon would suffice in place of an answer. Ed didn’t let up, forced him to reply with his stare alone.

    “No. I don’t love you. Not like you want me to.”

    When he was thirteen, Ed had fallen from the tree in his backyard. He broke his ankle in two places, and shattered his collarbone. He blacked out from the pain, came to in the hospital and immediately puked from the agony. For months after, the ache lingered. But that initial pain, it was the worst thing he’d ever felt.

    Hearing Oswald say that, he wished he could go back to that day in the backyard, body mangled as he cried out for his dad. It would hurt less.

    “How long, Oswald?”

    That startled him. “What?”

    “How long have you known that I love you, that I’m _in love_ with you?”

     Oswald turned away a little, fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt. Anything to save from telling Ed the horrible truth.

    “I don’t really-"

    “How. Long.”

    He looked up at Ed, then. Daring to own up to his wrong-doings while making direct eye contact.

     “Valentine’s Day.” Ed sucked in a harsh breath. _Shattered ankle, broken collarbone._ “After- I wasn’t sure, but when I came back in the room… Something about your eyes, I think. The way you looked at me. I was terrified so I left, ran away.”

    “But then you came back. You kept coming back, over and over… _why?”_ He could hear his voice catch, the croak that followed his words. He sounded pathetic even to himself, couldn’t imagine what Oswald thought of him in this moment.

    Oswald shrugged, as if any of this were casual. “I don’t know, Ed. I wanted to. I wish I had a better reason, but I don’t.”

     “You disgust me. I _hate_ you!” He didn’t care how loud he was, screaming over the rain. Wanted Oswald to hear him, hear those words every day for the rest of his life.

    Oswald looked a little disappointed, like a parent handling a particularly nasty temper tantrum from a rambunctious child. “You don’t mean that, though.”

     “No! I don’t!” He laughed and _god_ but he sounded so manic, so empty. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to truly hate you! How sick is that?”

    “Ed, please-" Oswald began approaching him, arms raised as if Ed were some terrified creature that might skitter away if he moved too suddenly.

     " _Stay away from me!_ I don’t want to see you, not ever again. Just- just _leave me alone!”_ He turned, made to leave.

     “Your car, Ed! Shit- you can’t just- it’s at _least_ eight miles to walk and your car is right here! At least drive yourself home, you’re gonna get pneumonia!”

    It was almost funny, like a mother scolding a child. Oswald pretending that he cared at all about Ed after he’d just shattered him into a million irreparable pieces.

     “I don’t give a _fuck!_ I hope I get struck by fucking lightning and _die!_ You’re the worst thing that ever happened to me, Oswald Cobblepot!” With that, he turned and ran away. It was childish and petty and just about the least strong way to end an argument in the history of humanity, but it felt good. He knew it would feel even better if he could just pretend he’d hurt Oswald, left him with some modicum of pain after all the hurt he’d just gifted Ed, but even he wasn’t that naive. He knew he was incapable of inflicting pain on someone who didn’t care about him, not really.

 It took nearly an hour to get home. By the time he arrived, the rain had stopped. He went straight to his room and tore off his sheets, determined to wash Oswald off of them in the morning. For now, though, he was blessedly tired. Sleep would be a welcome blankness, a few hours away from the world and the hurt and Oswald fucking Cobblepot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey uhhhh how we all doin on this fine Sunday night? the LORDS night? :))))
> 
> read this while listening to "candles" by daughter for hot ed teas (hint: its where the chapter title comes from, too)


	11. everything must die, for anyone to matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> twit @gaydiscovampire

     If he could take a sledge hammer to anyone who’s ever told him “it will get better”, Ed decides that he would. Without question. It starts with Kristen, who he calls crying the next day. She’s understanding and ends their call with that phrase. He laughs in the most pitiful way possible and simply dismisses it. Then the rest start rolling in, presumably from Kristen telling them what had happened. Though, the blame also falls slightly on Ed, seeing as he chooses to take both Monday and Tuesday off school feigning illness when his dad asks him about it. It’s not like he’d taken a single day off this year anyways, he can surely afford a few days for personal time. 

     Especially since he has no idea how he’s going to handle seeing Oswald, who surely remains unbothered, again while his own heart still lies torn and useless on the street outside of Oswald’s home. So he needs a few days to figure it out. He feels justified in that.

     Lee is understanding like Kristen, albeit a little less kind. She reminds him that he knew, going in, this was going to happen and that he honestly shouldn’t be so shocked by it all. “Oswald is an asshole, Ed. You knew that” she reminds him. He hates her for being right and ends the call just as she begins to say that dreadful little phrase. Jim merely texts him, “it’ll get better, bud, just give it time” and immediately Ed considers blocking his number. Lucius and Harvey are at least smarter than the rest, knowing that their budding romance is bad enough for Ed to see at present and that talking to either of them right now would probably make things worse. He loves them for avoiding him. Isabella calls him. Ecco calls him. Ivy calls him. Barbara, blessedly, does not. Ed knows she’s on Oswald’s side. It doesn’t really bother him, saves him at least the trouble of one more person trying to convince him that one day he will be happy again.

     He knows that’s a lie. This is it, the single most defining moment of his life. And it’s an absolute clusterfuck. 

     Ed sneaks out of his house around midday on Tuesday. When he had arrived home, no car in sight, on Saturday his dad had cautiously offered to drive him back to Oswald’s to retrieve it. He’d decided not to take him up on the offer, knowing the ride over would be the perfect time for his father to pry the truth out of Ed. He knows he owes it to his dad, but frankly he just doesn’t want to give it. So he had decided to walk. However, he does slightly regret that choice as he nears the apartment complex. He made sure to choose a time when Oswald would certainly be at school, but still Ed runs the risk of seeing Gertrude or one of the friendly neighbors he’d come to know all too well in the years he’d spent here, all the many months he’d devoted to his former best friend.

     But he needs his car. Needs to go back to school tomorrow, needs to reclaim his life. He’d love to wallow for the rest of his miserable years on earth, but he can’t. Oswald doesn’t deserve to hold that much power over him anymore. And, because fate has decided just once to smile down on him, he’s able to retrieve his car completely undetected. 

     It’s a huge effort, dragging himself into his bathroom the next morning to get ready at 7am after days of sleeping in til noon. But he manages to make it to school perfectly on time. He isn’t surprised by the immediate show of over-protectiveness from Kristen the moment she lays eyes on him. She even tries to skip class so he won’t be alone during lunch, but Ed won’t allow that. He knows he can’t sit with Jim and Lee- he’d be forcing them to take a side and it scares him to think that maybe they don’t want to take his. So he hides in the library, barely making a dent in his PBB&J all period. 

     Oswald avoids him, but that doesn’t mean they don’t see each other. They share several classes, and it’s a small school. They used to often walk together through the crowded hallways, to and from classes, and those patterns seem to be stuck in both of their bodies. So he sees him quite a lot. It’s horrible. 

     For one, Oswald seems totally fine. Basically unphased. For another, he’s pretty much constantly with Victor, confirming Ed’s suspicion that the second he was out of the picture Oswald would quickly replace him with someone else. Ed can’t even pretend he doesn’t use his one free period crying loudly in the third floor bathrooms. After all, he's a mess. And Oswald is fine. 

     That first day is tortuously long, but eventually it ends. Kristen follows him to his car after school, not giving him an inch.

      “You were really brave today, Ed. I’m proud of you.”

      Ed scoffs, “I really wasn’t, though. I cried a total of three times, and at least one of those breakdowns Oswald saw. So. Pretty pathetic if you ask me.”

    “ _Fuck_ him. He deserves to see what he’s done to you, should feel guilty for being such a piece of shit.” Ed’s taken aback, never having heard such hate in Kristen’s kind voice. 

     “Maybe. But he doesn’t. He’s totally fine.” Ed knows it sounds feeble, weak. 

      Kristen turns to him, face sparkling with a plan ready to be set into motion. “You know what, Eddie? You just need a good, old fashioned, pick-me-up! And I have the _perfect_ idea. There’s a house party at the Valeska place on Friday night, and we’re going together. All of us. And we can party and get wasted and forget that Oswald Cobblepot even exists.”

     Ed hesitates. She’s trying to be supportive, make him feel better, but- “I appreciate the offer, I really do. But I don’t really think I’m up for that right now, it’s just-"

     “Nonsense! It’s _exactly_ what you need!” She slaps his shoulder playfully, clearly not taking no for an answer. 

     And how can he explain to her that no, that’s really _not_ what he needs right now? What he _needs_ is to walk eighty miles out, dig a hole six feet down, and forget he was ever born. He _needs_ to wake up tomorrow with no memory of anything, not even his own name. He _needs_ Oswald to crawl up to his doorstep, begging and desperate, telling Ed he was a fool and that he loves him. But none of those are realistic options, so the best he can do at present is sigh and take Kristen up on her offer. It won’t fix anything, won’t magically make him better the way he knows she wants it to, but it’s something. A distraction, if nothing else. And she’s trying, which is more than he can say for himself. 

     “Fine. If I make it to Friday, we’ll go.”

     She smiles and claps her hands together, which seems fairly unwarranted. The chances of him making it to Friday are slim. But, he lets her have her victory without spoiling it too much. 

* * *

     Friday does come. Every day leading up to it is hell, though. More Oswald in the halls and his classes and every single one of his waking nightmares. More “it’ll get betters” that all feel like lies, because it hasn’t gotten even remotely better. He still feels more than hears that _I’m sorry, Ed_ in the back of his mind each day, like a fucked up symphony of personal agony. The memories haven’t faded, they’ve only gotten sharper and clearer with time. _Him kissing me in the car, crying in the pouring rain, “you don’t mean that, though”._ It’s only getting worse, driving him half insane. He starts to fantasize about running away, leaving his friends and family behind and taking to the woods for the rest of his useless days alive. But, somehow, Friday comes.

      Kristen jumps into the passenger seat of his car, uninvited. Directs him to drive straight to her house, chattering excitedly about all the fun things she has planned for the evening. Her, Izzy, and Lee made plans to get ready together. Lee offered to DD, coming solo to the party due to Jim having to attend an away game at some school in the middle of nowhere. Kristen tells him that Harvey and Lucius won’t be coming in a careful voice, a fact that he hates to realize fills him with some relief. So it’s a “girl's night” Kristen giggles, and much as he wants to feel sour, it’s at least nice to be included. 

     He knows what’s expected of him tonight. He’s supposed to get drunk, cry, and make a scene. He knows his friends are planning on it, hoping it’s cathartic or something. And, he could try to prove them wrong. Make a big show of being totally put together to save face. But he really doesn’t want to, he _wants_ to be a bit of a disaster. So, as the girls do their makeup and run around trying on various outfits, he pregames. Wants to walk into this event practically blackout. By the time they’re all ready and piling into Lee’s mom’s car, he knows he’s far past tipsy and heading straight into drunkenness. _Good,_ he thinks, _I deserve this._

      The Valeska house is so run down, Ed wonders how it’s been saved from condemnation time and time again. The walls are all stained brown with water damage, and whatever scattered furniture remains is threadbare and disgusting. He even sees one or two cockroaches in the kitchen. _Why_ anyone still wants to party here is lost on him, but Ed follows his friends around the asbestos trap without comment. 

      Someone hands him a drink, and he’s just drunk enough to take it without question. He should be queasy at the thought, with how disgusting this place is there’s no telling what infections he could get from blindly accepting drinks from strangers. But, that’s not what tonight is for. Tonight is for forgetting, so he chugs it fast before he can think to stop himself. 

      Lee also brought a handy flask, which she passes him wordlessly. It’s not for her- she’s driving- and he gives her a little nod of thanks for thinking of him. It’s fireball, and burns the whole way down. He doesn’t care. It doesn’t burn as bad going down as “I love you” had burnt coming up, so he barely even notices it. 

      Time starts to blip in and out. He’s in the kitchen, and then upstairs, and then the basement. Each time, he finds he’s not doing much of anything. Not dancing, not talking to people, just standing on the outskirts of the party like a miserable bystander. He wishes he were a happy drunk, bubbly and social, but he’s not. He’s just as sad and alone as he was sober, so he stops drinking. If it’s not going to change him, then what’s the point, really? Eventually he stumbles his way to the living room, where he finds a bored looking Isabella sitting alone on the singular couch in the center of the room. 

     She’s a safe harbor in a sea of unknown, so he plops down next to her gracelessly. Her eyes slide over to him, barely registering his sudden appearance. 

     “You look like shit.”

     Ed laughs, even though it doesn’t feel like she was making a joke. “Thanks. I feel like shit.”

      She hmm’s, nonplussed. From the other room, Ed can hear Lee shouting at someone. Only registers it because she’s saying his name, sounds panicky. “ _Well, we need to find him and get him the fuck out of here before he sees-"._ Then she’s out of earshot, and he forgets to be worried about the tremor in her voice. 

      “You know I’m not taking sides, right? I think you’re both equally stupid. You’re just more obvious about being all mopey.”

      Ed feels a pang in the hollow and empty cavity of his chest, kind of hates her for bringing it up. “I never asked anyone to take sides.”

      “Well, good. I just want you to know that.” She considers him for a moment, before leaning a little closer, “But he is an ass. And you’re better off without him.” 

      Ed smiles, so wide it hurts his cheeks. Maybe because he hadn’t smiled once in the past week. It feels good. 

      “Thanks, Izzy.” She gives him a half shrug, but doesn’t move away. 

      The last time someone had looked at him like that, open and accepting and a little mischievous, he’d fallen in love with him. He thinks maybe he could do it again, if he just tried…

       _Thump._

“Oh, _fuck!_ My dab pen!”

      Ed doesn’t even realize that he’s leaned in, kissed her, until he feels the sting of her slap across his cheek. It was quick and chaste and _horrible._ She tasted like vanilla and sticky lip gloss and it makes him want to puke with how _wrong_ it was. It’s supposed to feel desperate and needy and taste like menthol cigarettes. But his eyes flick instead to the sound of Victor’s voice half crying over his broken whatever the fuck, and time stops.

      His eyes land squarely on Oswald’s, wide and shocked and _betrayed._

     “Ok, alright, we need to leave now.” Kristen doesn’t wait for a response, grabs Ed’s wrist and drags him out of the house. He almost trips down the porch steps, feet too numb to fully get the concept of moving, heart beating loud and painful in his chest. The drive home is incredibly silent and awkward. Lee, truly the wisest person he knows, takes Ed home first. He mumbles a weak goodbye as he exits the car, and gets nothing but a calm “Later” from Lee and fuming silence from Isabella in the passenger seat. 

     Kristen, filled with fake positivity, shouts, “Bye, Eddie! Texts us tomorrow so we know you’re okay!” And then they’re speeding off. 

     Ed doesn’t think he can handle rolling into bed just yet, lying there while the room spins around him, so he falls down on his front porch steps for a moment to process everything that had just happened. 

      _What the fuck was that?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so we’re in the home stretch, maybe 2 or 3 more chapters left??? last ones gonna be another POV shift, and probably my favorite chapter in this whole dang thing sooo,,, strap in!


	12. ooh, somebody loves you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kacey musgraves, i love youuuuuu
> 
>  
> 
> Twit: @gaydiscovampire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey checkout this really dope art @riddlebirddie made for my fic; I LOVE THESE BOYSSSS https://twitter.com/riddlebirddie/status/1150891599389437953?s=21

      Ed awakes the next morning with a sore jaw and the memory of dull, hurt eyes. Then the rest of the night hits him like a wave.

     He kissed Isabella. Oswald saw it happen. 

     What the _fuck_ had he been thinking?! He has to make this right, has to talk to her and explain and-

     Fuck. She probably never wants to see him again, let alone hear him out. What he’d done was stupid and selfish and immature. He’d put their entire friendship on the line, and for what? Because he thought she could replace _Oswald?!_ That was unfair to her, she deserved to be treated with respect, as her own person. God, Ed was a fucking moron. He promised himself that never again would he allow himself to get that wasted on a broken heart.

      No matter how much he wants to blame the alcohol, though, he knows he can’t. That was all him and his ridiculous brain. Probably would’ve still happened sober, and isn’t that a horrible thought? He doesn’t deserve Izzy’s forgiveness, but he has to try. Has to try to win her back because she was there for him as a friend when he needed her, and he had paid her back by treating her like an object. A thing to be used to assuage his man pain. He was a horrible friend. 

     His first three calls go straight to voicemail, and he knows it’s a dirty move, but his next idea is to call Kristen. 

     “Hey, Ed!” She sounds tired, so, _so_ tired. Immediately he regrets the decision to involve her. “How are you? Feelin better?”

      “Kris, I’m so sorry. I’m the worst and- look, I _really_ need to talk to Iz. I know she probably hates me but-"

     “No, no she doesn’t. None of us do. But she needs some time, okay? What you did, last night…” she sighs, long suffering and understandably sick of being everyone’s mom friend, “it wasn’t cool. You know that, right?”

     “ _God_ yes. It was horrible. Unforgivable. I just want her to know how sorry I am, want to make it up to her.”

     “Yeah, well, she’s not really ready for that yet. Just… take some time and figure your shit out for a minute, okay?”

     Ed feels numb. He knows he did this to himself, made the worst situation of his life somehow even shittier through his own stupidity, but it still hurts to have it confirmed. To know that he’s alone now, in all of this, because of his own foolish actions. 

     “Yeah. Okay, yeah, you’re right I’ll… I will do that. Thank you, for everything.”

      “Hey, stop sounding like this is some dramatic goodbye.” Her laughter is tinny and warbled through the phone, but rings true nonetheless, “It’s all gonna be okay, I promise. We’ll all be a gang again soon, we just need a little space. But that doesn’t mean you can’t still call me if anything really bad happens, okay? Don’t forget that.”

     “I won’t. Thanks, Kris. I love you.”

     “Yeah, yeah, I love you too. See ya Monday?”

     “You bet!” He tries to sound chipper, even thinks she might believe it. He really doesn’t deserve Kristen Kringle, and yet somehow she’s sticking with him. Even after he kissed her sister. _God, I’m such a fucking idiot._

     He ends up calling Lee, and has a short but illuminating conversation with her. Mostly she’s just worried that he’s spiraling, and he’s terrified to realize he can’t prove her wrong. It does kind of feel like he’s spiraling, losing control and ruining his own life in the process. She mentions something off-hand about talking to Victor, which Ed immediately tunes out. She says she wants to fix everything, and Ed really wishes she could. It’s not hers to fix, though, so he ends the call feeling a little disheartened and unmoored. 

     Throughout the remainder of the weekend, he just about drives his father crazy playing nothing but _Space Cowboy_. He figures the only reason his dad doesn’t yell at him to change the song is because he'd be able to hear Ed sobbing the second he reaches his door. 

* * *

     Monday morning starts with an indescribably different energy. Maybe it’s because Ed wakes up to the smell of waffles and bacon, when he truly can’t recall the last time his father had woken up early enough to make a big breakfast before they both began their respective days. Maybe it’s because everyone- not even just his friends, _everyone-_ at school seems to be sort of staring at him. His friends are… different. There’s something expectant about his interactions with each of them, which really throws him. 

     Why would they expect anything other than selfishness and pain from Ed? 

     There’s some normalcy- or, at least, the new normal for his life post-Oswald. Classes are dull and too long, not as thrilling as they once were to him. And Jim and Lee are still planning frantically for the upcoming prom like they have been all year. It’s nice, familiar. Ed had almost forgotten that prom was still an event on their horizon, without Oswald around to shit on it. He thinks wistfully of the months where he dreamed him and Oswald would go together, even if only to make a mockery of it all. That feels so long ago now. 

     But something odd happens at lunch. He makes his usual beeline for the library after Econ, as he has been doing for the past week, but before he can get there Lee grabs his arm and directs him towards the cafeteria. 

     “Lee? What’re you-"

     “I’m doing a favor for a friend. Well, two friends, I guess.”

     “But I’m- I have some homework to finish and-"

     She looks at him, no nonsense. “Yeah we both know that’s a lie. Just shut up and come with me, I promise you’ll thank me later.”

     Ed feels his heart swell. She’s clearly taking him to their lunch table, bringing him back into the group. And since she’s not a cruel person, he knows that must mean Oswald won’t be there. His friends are taking his side, giving him his life back. It’s the sweetest gesture he’s ever been on the receiving end of and for a moment he thinks he’s going to cry.

     Jim is there, looking a little uneasy. Barbara is as well, which- wait. That can’t be right. There is no universe in which she would _ever_ want Ed to feel welcome, like he was her friend. Oswald and Victor aren’t at the table, like they usually would be, but something just… isn’t right. 

     “Hey, Ed! I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever, man, how're you?” Jim's attempt at small talk is pretty tragic, seeing as he can’t seem to stop fiddling with the plastic fork on his lunch tray and his legs are bouncing at a pace that frankly worries Ed. Jim is _nervous._ But why?

     “Ugh, cut the chit chat. Can we get this show on the road already?”

     Ed looks at Barbara sharply, “What show, exactly?” 

     And then something ridiculous happens. The school’s speaker system, rarely ever used aside from the morning announcements, blares to life with a staticky pop. He can hear the distinct and deafening sounds of _Oh, What a World_ blasting from the ancient speakers, and the confused murmurings of his classmates around him. 

     There’s not much time to focus on that, though, as Ed catches sight of movement on the other side of the room. Like Moses parting the Red Sea, a figure appears to be walking through the crowded cafeteria with ease. Ed can instantly see why, though. Oswald approaches him, but stops a few feet away to instead stand on the neighboring lunch table amidst a few girls still trying to eat before the bell rings. He stomps on the table, yelling at the girls to get lost. Though most of them just look vaguely pissed and annoyed, rather than actually sacred, they do.

      Because, really, he’s kind of a sight to behold. In his arms Oswald is clutching a bouquet of obviously dyed flowers that had to have come from Walmart. He’s also sporting a white t-shirt, albeit over top of his black-and-white stripped long-sleeved shirt and otherwise black ensemble, that states, in giant red sharpie, “I'M SORRY FOR BEING A DICK”. He looks to Ed, shrugs a little apologetically, before signaling to someone behind Ed. The music cuts out, with only maybe thirty seconds of the song left anyways, and a hush falls across the room. Most of the students around them are gawking; more still are clearly recording whatever Oswald will do next, anticipating a show worthy of their snap stories. Oswald, for his part, is soaking it all in. Ed notices a few people directly behind Oswald screaming and pointing at his back, but remains too lost in utter confusion to pay it any mind. 

     “Okay, if you’ll all just let me borrow a moment of your time, I have a pretty important announcement to make. Well, an apology, really.” And though he’s shouting to be heard over the heckling from the student body, Oswald’s eyes are softly focused solely on Ed. Ed forgets how to breathe for a moment.

     “Ed, there are a _lot_ of things I need to apologize for. And I will apologize for all of them, eventually. For right now, though, I have to say I’m sorry for lying to you. Because, even though I didn't know it at the time, I lied to you when I said I didn’t love you.” About half of the female students around them both gasp and scream at that admission. Ed tunes them out, though. Suddenly his world has focused in on one guy, in a shittily made t-shirt, standing on a lunch table. It’s as if no one else is even there, and Ed waits with bated breath to hear what Oswald will say next. 

      “I am in love with you, Edward Nygma. I am in love with your giant, nerdy brain, and I’m in love with your terrible taste in music. I’m love with the way you will do absolutely anything to protect the people you love, like when we were twelve years old and you punched Butch Gilzean for calling me Penguin. I am in love with all your dumb sweaters that make you look like an eighty year old grandpa, and I’m in love with how you let me fuck you without a condom the first time we had sex even though you STILL won’t start your shitty car without everyone in the car putting their seat belts on first!” At that, a loud “WOOP!” Is heard from across the room, and Ed feels his face go red with embarrassment. “I am absolutely head over heels for you, Ed, so would you please just fucking go to prom with me already?” With that, he turns around. In the same messy scrawl as the message on the front, the back of Oswald’s shirt simply reads “PROM?”

     The cafeteria bursts into a mixture of loud applause and hollering, and maybe even louder booing. That doesn’t really hit, Ed, though. Nothing really matters to Ed anymore, not when he sees Oswald turn around looking absolutely _terrified._ So he signals for Oswald to approach him, just as the rest of the students appear to be losing interest, and slowly Oswald jumps down from the table he had turned into a makeshift stage. 

     “So, uh, you gonna give me an answer? Or just leave a guy hangin?” It’s awkward and forced, clearly using humor to cover his discomfort. He holds out the flowers to Ed, which he takes with a shaky hand.

     “I thought you hated prom.” Is all Ed can really think to say, because his brain has apparently short-circuited.

     “Yeah, well… Lee kinda told me that you don’t. Or, at least, that you might not.”

     “So did Lee come up with all of that, then?”

     Oswald looks immediately nervous again, “No! No, no that was me. This was all me, really, she just said that it needed a cheesy promposal ending. Which, come to think of it was probably just a ploy for her to get higher ticket sales.” Ed laughs, genuinely feels like he _can_ laugh again. It makes Oswald look at him odd, kind of like maybe Ed hung the moon and all the stars around it while he wasn’t looking. 

     “Yeah, I kind of figured Lee had nothing to do with that one part about the, uhh…” Ed trails off, feeling a blush creeping up his cheeks again. 

     Oswald at least has the decency to feign remorse at that. “Oops. Sorry, was that too much? Just thought it was a pretty strong argument in making my point.”

     He’s smiling, and it’s bright and happy and in _love._ Somehow, even when he’d been declaring it to their entire school, it hadn’t quite registered that Oswald is in love with him. With that smile, though, immediately it does. It’s a fact written plainly on his face. The sky is blue, the earth orbits the sun. _Oswald loves me._

     “When- how- _why_ did you-"

     The bell rings, and Ed curses under his breath. Oswald just laughs. 

     “Look, hey, we’ve got time. And plenty to discuss.” He’s grabbing Ed’s face between his hands, lifting it so he can stare straight and steady into Ed’s eyes, “I’m just really, _really_ sorry, Ed. And, I know you probably can’t forgive me just y-"

     Before he can even finish the sentence, Ed is kissing him. Thoughts of _hurt,_ and _anger,_ and whatever else go out of his head. _Oswald loves me._ It’s all he’s ever wanted in his entire life, and it’s real and standing right in front of him. It’s kissing him and clinging to him even as the room clears around them. It’s everything. 

     Oswald pulls away, and Ed just barely stops himself from leaning in again. 

     “We still need to talk, but that can wait 'til later. We should probably go.” Oswald nods, and after one last peck, begins to make his way towards the doors. Before he can, though, Ed realizes he’d never given him an answer. 

     “Wait, YES! Oswald, yes!” He turns back around looking a little confused. “I’ll go to prom with you!” Oswald merely shakes his head and chuckles in response, half sprinting to get to class on time. 

* * *

     Lee had spent all week talking about how they’d “transformed” the gym into something magical and wonderful and _perfect_ for prom, but upon opening the giant metal doors, all Ed really notices is some paper maché and fairy lights. It’s nice, but he thinks maybe she’d been overselling a bit to compensate for their obvious lack of budget. He makes a mental note not to talk to her for the evening, or at the very least not to comment on the decorations. He’s always had a shitty poker face. 

     There’s a photo booth off to the side, and Ecco and Ivy are clearly hogging it. They’ve got both of the bins filled with props with them and appear to be ignoring the growing line of students behind them waiting to take their own photos. They look happy, though. Ivy has a little sign that reads “I’m with stupid” and half of Ecco’s face is obscured behind a harlequin mask. They’re giggling and kissing and not paying the world any mind. It’s heartwarming, and Ed privately hopes they continue to stay there, not letting anyone else have a turn. They deserve a little corner of heaven for themselves. 

     He continues his search of the room and his eyes land on Barbara. She looks stunning, loathe as Ed is to admit it. Her dress is bright pink and flashy and everything he’d expected it to be. Beside her, though, is some girl Ed doesn’t recognize. Her hair is long and dark and her features are severe in a way that wouldn’t look out of place on a copy of vogue. In fact- Ed does a double take, and feels certain he recognizes her. She’s on the cover of one of the magazines that litter the shelves of the Dollar General down the street, he’s _sure_ of it. _Huh. Guess that’s what all the secrecy was about, then._

     He begins walking towards Kristen when his eyes catch hers across the dance floor. “Kris! Hey, you look gorgeous!”

     “Thanks! You're not so bad yourself. So, where’s your date?”

     “Yeah, I’ve been wondering the same thing.” He replies, eyes once again scanning the perimeter for any signs of Oswald. 

     “Wait, you didn’t come here together?” She half screams, shocked, “I figured Gertrude would make you guys take at least five hundred pictures together before she let you leave.” 

     “Oh, she did. We took those this morning, though. Didn’t want to risk missing it entirely so we got it out of the way first. But then Oswald said something about needing to run some errands before the dance and bolted, said his mom was going to drive him here. Only now I can’t seem to find him.” 

     Kristen, sensing his nerves, pulls Ed with her to the dance floor. “Well, hey! Until he gets there, mind if I steal you? My date’s off getting us some spiked punch.” 

     Ed recognizes the song playing as one of the shitty top 40 hits on the radio, but goes with her anyways. There’s some kind of dance that apparently goes along with the song that all of the other students, including Kristen, somehow just _know_ and try as hard as he might, Ed just can’t seem to get the hang of it. So, with a half-formed explanation, he leaves her. Her date is on his way back, anyways. Ed recognizes him coming towards his and Kristen’s place on the outer edges of the dance floor, and feels a little less terrible about deserting his friend. 

     He glances towards the photo booth again, contemplating third wheeling Ecco and Ivy until Oswald arrives, and spots Isabella. She waves to him, small and mostly just to be polite, and he nods back. They’d talked, eventually. She had every right to still hold onto some of her anger, but had ultimately forgiven him. Begrudgingly. He understood, though, he really did. He’d objectified her and used her at a very low moment, and even though she could appreciate that he had been distraught and out of his mind at the time, it didn’t quite make up for his unwanted advance. He felt lucky she was even talking to him again, even if he knew it was mostly just to appease their friends. 

     The song shifts to something slow and sweet, and within the first few notes Ed realizes it's actually something he recognizes. 

      _And I’d give up forever to touch you,_

_Cause I know that you feel me somehow._

      Someone taps his shoulder, prompting Ed to spin around. “May I have this dance?”

      He beams down at his boyfriend, “I thought you were standing me up, for a second there.”

      Oswald folds his arms around Ed’s neck, cuing Ed to circle his own around Oswald’s waist. 

      “So, where exactly did you disappear to?”

      Oswald bats his eyelashes, an obvious display of innocence. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

     Ed decides to drop the topic in favor of leaning down to kiss the love of his life. It’s deep and slow, but reserved enough to still be appropriate in public. He feels Oswald sigh against his lips, relaxing fully into his arms. 

      “God, I really must love you to do all this,” he looks around them at the piss poor decor and awkwardly swaying couples, “for you.”

      Ed smiles down at him, “Yeah, I guess you do, huh.” He takes a moment to scrutinize their surroundings as well and sees Lucius and Harvey circling the floor with them. They’re so completely enamored with one another, and Ed feels proud that he can finally be happy for them. It was selfish, he knows, to be envious of them while he was heart broken. But being around two people so clearly in love, it was hard not to be jealous. He’s not, now, though- not while he’s holding the world between his palms. 

     The songs begins to peter out and someone grabs the mic at the front of the gym, just next to the DJ booth. “Ok, folks! So uh, the ballots have been counted,” a murmur falls across the crowd at Lee’s words and- wait, what ballots? “So… let's announce this year's prom royalty!”

     But… prom King and Queen was a thing of their school’s past. Ed remembers them taking that away their freshman year, ruling it an outdated and, frankly, pointless tradition. Oswald had been one of the people leading the petition! There hadn’t even been a ballot this year, Ed knows he would have heard about it if there had been. 

     “Gotham High’s 2019 prom King and King are...Oswald Cobblepot and Edward Nygma!” 

     Ed is stunned into inaction. Oswald, though, had clearly been anticipating that result and drags Ed forward with him. There’s still a hum of confusion in the crowd as Jim steps up to place a plastic crown on Oswald’s head, while Lee places a matching one on Ed’s. 

     “Lee, what’s going on? We don’t have-"

     She smirks, “Ask your boyfriend, he planned all this.”

     Jim takes the mic now, “Alright! So, let’s uhhh… give them a dance, huh?” A song picks up, one of Ed’s personal favorites. Oswald leads him out to the center of the court-turned-dance floor, holding him close just as the lyrics begin. 

      _The real life love is under the mirror of the surface,_

_So cut my cord, I wanna know how deep we can take this._

     “What is all of this, Oswald?”

     “You really thought I was going to make you wait around here without me for nothing? Had to be something pretty special if it was going to keep me from you.”

     “But why- how-"

     “It was pretty easy once I got Jim and Lee on-board. I wanted something public, to make up for the months I kept you hidden away. Wanted to prove you mean something, _everything,_ to me.” He smiles shyly up at Ed. “Do you like it?”

     “I love it, I love _you._ But you really didn’t need to arrange all this just for me. All I ever need is you.”

     He shrugs a little, “Yeah, well, I wanted to. Because you’re special- you deserve a night in the spotlight.” 

     Ed kisses him again, can’t quite wrap his head around all of the good happening in one night. His friends are here, are happy. They’re cheering and laughing and Ed can hear and feel their support like a warm blanket around him. And then there’s Oswald- the love of his life, smiling into their kiss. He’s solid and real and everything Ed had always dreamt of but never really allowed himself to believe he’d ever get to keep. But he _does,_ he can. He can have this, this moment of bliss, forever. It’s his, _Oswald_ is his. And for the first time maybe ever, Ed feels like his future is bright enough to look forward to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is like my “button” chapter. Everything’s all wrapped up in a neat little bow, and this could be read as the ending. Except I’ve got one last chapter, and it’s another POV switch. I think I’ve made it pretty obvious who that will be. 
> 
> Also I’m sorry if two slow dances seems like overkill but also I do not care


	13. i often fail to see the things that i need are right here by my side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and that’s all she wrote! thank you all for the love & support along the way! 🤗💖✨
> 
> twit: @gaydiscovampire

     Victor Zsasz was a simple guy with simple pleasures. He rarely ever went with the flow, just wasn’t his style. But, hey, sometimes following the crowd could be super fun. Like that one time in kindergarten, Zsasz had caught wind of a few kids picking on some dweeb 'cause he didn’t wanna play dodge ball. Kinda seemed like a fun thing to join in on. And, to be fair, this kid totally deserved it. He was, like, super tall and gangly, had the whole glasses-wearing, textbook-clutching nerd look going on. Zsasz was even pretty sure he was wearing a sweater vest- just the epitome of dorky. Seriously, did no one ever tell this kid what was and wasn’t acceptable in society? Whatever. That wasn’t Zsasz’s problem. He was just there to teach this kid a lesson and pass the time. Kids like that just had to be taught to stop being themselves so much. Be cool instead. 

     Mostly everyone was just calling the kid names, which got old fast. Zsasz tried to get a hit or two in, too, but before he could some scrawny little twerp came bounding up to nerd boy’s defense. Which- huh. That was different. Zsasz _loved_ different. 

     He also totally didn’t peg the dorky kid as someone even capable of having friends, so it was definitely weird that someone was stepping up for him. Whatever. The crowd dispersed soon after that, kind of a bummer really. So Zsasz left, too- back to setting ants on fire with a magnifying glass it was. But he made a little mental note to keep an eye on that scrawny one with the black hair. He seemed interesting, definitely some potential there. 

     Years went by, throughout which Zsasz mostly kept to himself. Not for lack of others trying though, holy shit did people love Zsasz. Which, yeah, he got the appeal. He had cracked the code before the rest of them could- mysterious is in, vulnerable and kind? _Booooring_ . If you showed interest in anyone or anything, you were lame. And Zsasz was _never_ lame. Besides, it’s not like anything ever really challenged Zsasz. School was depressingly easy, money was effortless if you just bypassed the ‘needing it’ part and stole everything, and with looks like his? Sex was easy to come by and super fun. Really; life was a breeze, Zsasz had no clue why everyone around him wasted their days being depressed all the fucking time. _Yawn_. 

     He kept a few good friends close by, though. Like Lee Thompkins. Her friends sucked, but she was cool. Well, her taste in friends wasn’t _all_ bad. She did still hang out with that Cobblepot kid- and Zsasz had never really lost sight of him. He was intriguing, for sure. 

     But Zsasz was not a “crush” guy. He hated relationships, never really saw the point. Love ‘em and leave ‘em, that was a motto Zsasz could get behind. And by his senior year, he’d slept with just about anyone who had even passingly caught his interest.

     Well, everyone except Cobblepot. 

     Because Zsasz had one rule: don’t fuck a virgin. They get too clingy, too attached. No, Zsasz had made that mistake all of once, and immediately after he’d promised himself he’d never do it again. So, Harvey Dent aside, Zsasz didn’t do virgins. Which meant, tragically, Oswald would forever remain on his ‘maybe’ list, never full entering his little black book. 

* * *

     Zsasz would never admit to it, but _damn_ did he love a little drama. So when he just so happened to see a very distraught looking Ed Nygma rush into the bathroom crying, followed quickly by a panicky Oswald Cobblepot, well. How could he resist? He just _had_ to follow them and see what all the fuss was about. 

     Which turned out to be perfect timing. He caught the very end of some whispered dialogue and the very beginning of a pretty vocal blowjob. _Huh, that tracks_. See, Zsasz had, like, a sixth sense about virginity. It’s what helped him avoid fucking virgins, kind of like his own personal superpower. And a few days ago, well, call him crazy but he had definitely detected something off about the pair. The blowjob only confirmed his suspicions: Oswald and Ed were fucking. _Hey! Good for them._  

     And, now that his virginity was out of the way, Cobblepot was exactly Zsasz’s type. One last bucket list item to finish off his senior year the right way. 

     But first; drama. 

     So he told everyone he knew about the blowjob. Kinda became a hot rumor around Gotham high for a week or two. But no one could ever say Zsasz wasn’t a considerate dude; he left them totally anonymous in his retelling of the incident. 

* * *

     Things _really_ started picking up for Zsasz a couple weeks later when Lee cornered him about some plans for Spring Break. 

     “Please, will you at least consider coming, Vic? I know you don’t like them but it’s gonna be a whole week of crazy shit, and I barely ever see you anymore! Just come so we can hang out.”

     “I dunno, Lee… like if it was _your_ parent’s cabin, for sure. I’d be in, no question. But that Nygma kid…”

     “Yeah, I know. But Ed really isn’t so bad when you get to know him.”

     Zsasz looked at her skeptically. He knew that was a lie, he’d had half of his classes with Ed for the past four years. The guy was a train-wreck. 

     “Okay, well, he’s at least better when you get to know him. And I don’t know, he’s been a lot less uptight lately. You really might end up getting along with him!”

     “Yeah, getting laid does tend to chill people out a bit.”

     Lee gaped at him for a moment, before finally laughing. “I knew it! I knew those two were fucking. Who told you? Was it Oswald?”

     “Nah, I just know these things. I’m, like, a genius about it.” 

     Lee rolled her eyes, “Yeah, okay. So, you coming or what?”

     Victor sighed, “I’ll think about it. For you.”

     Lee screamed, leaping up to give him a crushing hug. “Ok! I’ll text you the address when we get there! AH! It’s gonna be so great, I promise!” 

     “And you’re sure fuckface-“ Lee cuts him off with a warning glare, “-Ed- won’t mind me just… showing up? Uninvited?”

     “It’s not uninvited!” Lee insisted, totally confident in her own logic, “Ed invited me, I invited you. It tracks.”

     And, hey. Zsasz really couldn’t argue with that logic. 

* * *

     Since he’s a busy guy, Zsasz forgets about his quasi-promise to Lee just about the second the conversation ends. So, he’s understandably a little confused when Lee texts him a random address a few days later, no explanation. 

 **VZ** : ???? 🔐

 **LT** : eds family cabin! spring break! rmbr? 🔐

 **VZ** : o shit. u were srs? 🔐

 **LT** : ye! its gonna b fun, vic!!!! plsss? 🔐💖💖

 **VZ** : ugh. i guess. c u in ~3hrs 🔐

 **LT** : its like a 30 drive from ur place?? 🔐

 **VZ** : need snacks 🔐

 **LT** : bet. 🔐

      So Zsasz went. Everyone was pretty drunk by the time he showed up, and he got the impression that had they been sober his entrance may not have been so warmly received. Ed might’ve even tried to fight him- which was kind of a shame, really. Zsasz would’ve liked to knock that little shit out cold. Oh well. 

     It was a pretty good week, all things considered. He got to spend some quality time with his best friend, and even got along with some of the others. Plant girl wasn’t half bad, and her girlfriend seemed chill, too. The twins were annoying as fuck, but whatever. He still hated Jim, couldn’t wait for the day Lee inevitably dumped him, but hey. C’est La Vie, baby. 

     There was a lot more weird, couple bullshit than Zsasz had been expecting going in. And not even from the actual established couples! Like Fox and Dent? Yeah, _that_ happened at some point. Honestly, Zsasz was pretty cool with them. They made a good pair, and seemed pretty sickeningly sweet together, so who was he to judge? At least they were happy together. 

     Because Oswald and Ed? _Woof_.

     It was a little known fact that being in the woods brought out the inner horny in everyone, and these two were a prime example of that. Ed was practically climbing Os the whole week, which was honestly kinda gross. And confusing. Because, look, Zsasz was totally into the occasional threesome. He loved ‘em! So Oswald flirting with him, yeah, that was cool. Except Ed super wasn’t into it. So it was… confusing. To say the least. Zsasz tried to just go with it, but man was he getting weird vibes just being anywhere _near_ them. 

      Which sucked. Zsasz had been 100% down to clown with Oswald Cobblepot. Just give him a time and place and he would be there, ya know?

     But messy was not his thing. So, he figured he should wait til Os got whatever the fuck was going on with him and Nygma sorted before anything else between him and Oswald happened. Which worked out pretty well, because a couple days after spring break it turned out Ed and Os broke up. Or something. Zsasz really didn’t care about the semantics of it all, he just knew that Oswald and Ed were no more, and he was being given a green light to make a move on Cobblepot. Which, hello, _duh_ he jumped at that chance. 

      He was even okay knowing he was just Oswald’s rebound or whatever- it’s not like he had actual _feelings_ for the guy. Except, he wasn’t the rebound. Well, not in the traditional sense at least. Because no matter how hard he tried, Zsasz couldn’t for the life of him get Oswald to actually fuck him. He suggested it all of twice, getting shot down each time, before he gave up. Because the only thing sexier than chains and whips was consent, and since he clearly didn’t have that, then: okay. Sex was a no-go with Oswald. Kind of a damper, but whatever. Zsasz still liked making out with the guy, so he stuck around. 

      It just kinda made him sad to see Oswald so fuckin miserable all the time. Clearly, he didn’t realize that he was in love with Nygma still. Zsasz didn’t even think Oswald knew he’d fallen in love with Ed in the first place. Which sucked. Victor was not a love guy, just wasn’t in the cards for him, but he could still sympathize. Even wished he could help Oswald out of it somehow- but that would be impossible when the poor kid was so lost in it he couldn’t even see the forest through the trees.

* * *

     It was actually kind of cool, Zsasz thought to himself, that he was there to witness the exact moment Oswald realized he was in love with Ed. Or, it would’ve been cool, if it hadn’t come at the same time as such a great loss. 

     So they had gone to this party at the Valeska house- total rager, pretty sick night really. Him and Oswald had arrived kinda fashionably late, making the rounds and stopping for small talk here and there as they walked around the house. Zsasz had just handed Oswald his dab pen to offer him a hit when they walked into the living room. That’s when they saw it:

      Ed was kissing some blonde chick, one of the Kringle twins. And when Oswald saw it he fucking _dropped Zsasz’s dab pen._ Look, Zsasz felt bad for the guy and all, love sucked! But that did _not_ make breaking other people’s shit forgivable. He was still pretty miffed about it, picking the pieces of his most prized former possession off the stained carpet floor, when Oswald started dragging him out of the party. Another not cool move, by the way- they literally _just_ got there! But Oswald wasn’t in the mood to fight, so Zsasz begrudgingly started driving them home. Total waste of a night. 

      “So. You wanna talk about it?” Zsasz didn’t, but he could tell Oswald did. _Damn, he deserved a fucking medal for how good of a person he was to Os. Unfair._  

      Oswald tensed, jaw clenching so tight the words barely even left his lips, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

      “Well, we kinda bolted out of there the second you saw Ed kissing that chick, so-“

     “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Victor.”

      “I’m literally just stating the facts here, man.”

      Oswald sighed, deflating a little. “It’s nothing, okay? He- Ed _deserves_ that. Happiness. I couldn’t give it to him, so… I just wasn’t expecting it so soon, that’s all.”

      “So, we both know that’s bullshit, right?” Zsasz takes his eyes off the road just long enough to see Oswald smirk a little, “You don’t want him to be happy, not with her. Because you’re in love with him.”

      Oswald sucks in a harsh breath. “Stop it. You don’t know shit, Zsasz.”

      “Not cool, Os. Don’t shoot the messenger just cause he’s sayin’ something you don’t wanna admit to yourself yet. And I get it, it probably takes time or whatever. I don’t know, love’s for pussies. But all I’m sayin is- get your shit figured out fast, dude, because it looks like your window is quickly closing.”

      For one terrifying moment, Zsasz is certain Oswald’s about to cry. Luckily; he doesn’t. “I don’t know what to do. I really fucked everything up this time, and I don’t think I can fix it.”

       “Don’t be too sure about that- Lee hasn’t stopped groaning about how fucking miserable Ed’s been lately. I think you can salvage this, I really do.”

       “Ok, but,” and Oswald looks at him like he’s realized for the first time that’s he’s totally fucking _lost_. “I hurt him. Even if he can forgive me- a big if- I don’t know that I can forgive myself.”

      “Look,” Zsasz sighs deeply, “I don’t know shit about relationships, but I kinda think that’s not your choice to make. If you do make it up to him, apologize and promise to do better, and he says he can’t forgive you- then that’s that. You fucked up. But you haven’t even _tried_ , haven’t given him the chance to tell you one way or the other. That’s not fair to him or you. And if he takes you back, like I know he will, then you gotta man up and forgive yourself, too. Otherwise you’re just a coward.”

      Oswald looks stricken for a moment, before replying. “You know I was about to apologize for stringing you along, but I think you just insulted me. So fuck you.” He laughs after it though, so it feels less like a threat and more like an endearment. Zsasz grins. 

      “Yeah, about that. I hate messy, so from now on; just keep it between you and Nygma, okay?” 

     “Deal. Thank you, Victor; for everything.”

      Zsasz shoots him his best lecherous smirk, “Anytime.”

      Oswald swats his arm playfully, and Zsasz can feel a pretty dope friendship blossoming between them already. He could get into that. Cobblepot was still the most interesting guy in all of Gotham, hands down. Being his friend was sure to still be quite the adventure. 

      “I’m serious though, I really do _not_ wanna be involved any further. Lee on the other hand… I’m sure she’d be more than willing to help you get back with Ed. She’s so fucking done with his moping, she’d probably jump at the chance to help you organize some big, sappy gesture or whatever.”

     Oswald scoffed, “What is this, some cheesy rom-com? I’m not gonna roll up with a boombox blastin’ Gabriel, Vic. I just wanna talk to Ed.”

      Zsasz shrugs. “Suit yourself, man. Just don’t come crying to me when he doesn’t take you back because your apology was lame.”

     Oswald makes a frustrated little noise in the back of his throat before reluctantly pulling out his phone. Zsasz decides to take that as a win when he notices Oswald is drafting a text to Lee. 

     Just goes to show; you don’t need to be an actual hopeless romantic to appreciate the significance of a good, mushy gesture. That shit was first grade. 

* * *

      It’s a little embarrassing even just _watching_ Oswald, standing up on a lunch table and declaring his love for Ed Nygma, of all people, to the entire school. For someone who’d been so opposed to the idea initially, Os sure was diving head-first with ease into the whole lovey-dovey spectacle thing. Zsasz was kind of impressed, really. Also a little disgusted. But, hey! Romance and all that shit. Just not his personal cup of tea. 

     It was a very illuminating speech, though. Zsasz was finally starting to get what Oswald saw in Ed- no condoms? _Kinky_. Zsasz could dig it, if that’s the kinda thing you’re into. The rest wasn’t really that exciting, but it was obvious that Oswald was _nuts_ for the guy. And by the way Ed was looking back at him, like a fucking nun in church, well. It was clear he was pretty into Oswald, too. Zsasz was actually happy for them, no hard feelings. For real. They clearly deserved each other, seeing as they were both such closeted romantics. And love just wasn’t Zsasz’s game- he was a free bird, always meant to fly and never meant to nest. 

     “Kinda sickening, isn’t it?” Zsasz turns around to address whoever the fuck was trying to talk to him and-

      _Whoa_.

     This guy was the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome as _hell_. 

     “Sorry, just saw your face. Kinda looked like you were thinkin’ the same thing as me. I should introduce myself- Alvarez.” The guy holds out his hand, and Zsasz is just barely able to snap his jaw shut in time to shake it. 

     “What, like Cher? One name, that’s all I get?” 

     Beautiful- _Alvarez_ , his brain helpfully supplies, and already Zsasz is picturing screaming that name long into the early morning hours- just laughs. “Yeah, well. Maybe you have to earn the rest.” 

     “Okay, Alvarez. I’m Zsasz.”

     “I know.” Alvarez cringes a little, noticing how creepy that might come across, “Sorry, not to sound like a stalker. I’ve just, ah, noticed you. Before. You’re kinda always in detention, huh?”

     “I mean yeah, I am, but how the fuck did you know that, gorgeous?” Zsasz manages smoothly, teetering somewhere between being offended by and totally horny for this complete stranger. 

     He blushes a little at the compliment, “I volunteer in the student records office. It’s supposed to look good on applications or whatever, and I’m trying to join the academy next fall so-"

     “Wait, like, the _police_ academy? As in the GCPD?”

     Alvarez nods, and Zsasz feels his own smile turn predatory in response. This, he could already tell, was going to be _very_ interesting. And fun. Definitely fun. Probably pretty messy and a whole fuckton of complicated, too, but hey! If that’s the price he was going to have to pay, Zsasz was ready and willing. “Well, then, Alvarez- I can guarantee we’re going to be seeing a _lot_ of each other.” 

     The other guy smiles, and maybe it’s just because he thinks Zsasz wants to be a cop, too. Then again, he looks too smart to assume something that dumb. Either way, he looks pretty willing, too. 

      _At least he’s handsome,_ Zsasz thinks to himself briefly, before falling; hard and fast.


End file.
